Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes

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When you’re standing at the bar absolutely shiт faced waiting patiently for another drink

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There is a new drink at my bar.
It's called a Sandy. It's basically a watered down Manhattan.

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So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar...
And drink until the giraffe passes out. The man goes to leave and the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Man says,
"That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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He orders a вееr and a shot of whiskey.
A time traveler walks into a bar.

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A woman in this bar just told me she wants to have my babies....
Watch my вееr while I go home and get them.

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Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be?
I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"

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A woman site down next to a man in a bar and says,
"You smell good, What do you have on?"
The man says,
"I have a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it."

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So a guy came into a bar...
No... wait, it was a horse.
So a guy came into a horse...

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A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar
I only know because they told everyone.

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One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...
Of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

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20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by;
"Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter"

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So I ordered the 50 cent at the bar last night...
The bartender gave me 9 shots and took all my money

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A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks
He got hammered.

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A guy wearing a turban walks into a bar
The bartender asks "Is this some sort of Sikh joke?"

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A liar, a cheat, and a bigot walked into a bar...
"Let's make America great again!" he said.

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So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender
Guy: Two shots please
Eminem: You only get one shot

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A man and harambe walk in to a bar
Bartender: what will you fine gentleman have?
Harambe: scotch
Man: no, you'll have ice
Bartender: just ice?
Man: yes, justice for harambe

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What does a ISIS amusement park have as a safety mechanism?
Allahu lap-bar.

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