Blonde Jokes

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How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? It is the one with the kickstand.

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How can you tell that a blonde been baking chocolate chip cookies?
There are M&M shells all over the floor.

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A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."

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Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a сrар." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and сrар." The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my аss." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!" He left and came back with сrар all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hеll happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your аss with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

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There was this bartender & he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting "44 days! 44 days!" One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked,
"Why are you chanting 44 days?" She set down the puzzle on the counter and said,
"A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!"

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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the W's!

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A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. 'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. 'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.' The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie. 'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

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I don't think any would stick. I shouldn't be spreading such bad puns and drive everyone nuts. Any one butter than me? Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? I`m not teling you. You might spread it! Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? Because she`s nuts! How is a dumb blonde like peanut butter? They spread for the bread. I told my girlfriend I was breaking up with her because she had peanut butter legs. She asked,
"What do you mean?" I said,
"Your legs are nice and smooth and easy to spread like peanut butter." What`s the feepng you get after popshing a peanut? Post nut clarity. Why are peanuts afraid of going out? They`re afraid of getting a-salted. When can peanuts laugh? When you сrаск them up! What kind of sandwiches do sharks eat? Peanut butter and Jellyfish Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? The Shell station! What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut! What did applesauce say to peanut butter? You`re Nutty! Photo by Corleto Peanut butter on Unsplash

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How do you make a blonde a brunette? Turn her upside down

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A blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice вuтт, but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th floor. Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says,
"Someone should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies,
"How do you give Shoulders?"

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There were these three women. One blonde, one red, and one brunet. They were all about to be shot. One by one. When the brunet came up, the man asked "Do you have any last words before you die?" The brunet said "No." Then the man said,
"Ok. Ready, aime..." then before the man could finish the bunet yelled, "Earthquake!!" Then everyone ran and so escaped. Then when the red head came up, the man said,
"Do you have any last words before you die?" The red head said,
"No." Then the man said,
"Ok. Ready, aime..." then before the man could finish the red head yelled, "Tornando!!" Then everyone ran and the red head escaped. Then when the blonde came up, the man said,
"Do you have any last words before you die?" The blonde said,
"No." Then the man said,
"Ok. Ready, aime..." then before the man could finish the blonde yelled, "FIRE!!"

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There was a magic mirror at a bar and what ever you say it can't be a lie or you die. So a blonde, a red head, and a bernett walked in that bar. The red head walked up to the mirror and said im pretty so she didn't die, then the bernett walked up to the mirror and said im prettier and she didn't die and finally the blonde walked up to the mirror and sad I THINK and she died

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A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute."
The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

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Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: She sits by a candle.
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: She lights it.

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Q: What is the definition of eternity?
A: Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.

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Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign for the YMCA?
A: "Look, they spelled Macy's wrong!"

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Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

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A blonde calls her mom...
Blonde: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blonde: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."

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