Blonde Jokes

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Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street. They spot a beautiful blonde.
First sailor asks his friend "Have you ever slept with a blonde?"
Second sailor replies that he has.
They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette.
First Sailor: Have you ever slept with a brunette?"
Second Sailor" Why yes, in fact I've slept with brunettes on many occasions"
They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.
First Sailor:
" Have you ever slept with a redhead then?"
His companion looks at him and replies "Not a wink!"

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Janet!
Janet who!
Janet'or in a drum!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Japan!
Japan who!
Japan is too hot, ouch!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaws!
Jaws who?
Jaws truly!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jean!
Jean who?
Jeanius - you just don't recognise it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jenny!
Jenny who?
Jennymen prefer blondes!

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a вrеаsт sтrоке race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says,
"The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says,
"I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."

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I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
Alicia Silverstone
"Once someone asked me three words that best describe me and I said 'Loud, Louder, and Loudest.'"
Anastacia
"I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous. I could have any man in the world."
Anna Kournikova
"He wanted to make me happy. My wish was his command."
Anna Nicole Smith
"Doesn't that hurt?" (on suicide bombers)
Anna Nicole Smith
"I'm not crazy, but it's a crazy life. I was raised in a crazy family and it took 31 years to get the crazy out of me."
Anne Heche
"What's so beautiful about вrеаsтs is their uniqueness. I don't understand the obsession with fakeness. It's a very odd thing, isn't it, to prefer fake and big to small and unique or just beautiful and real."
Anne Heche
"I trip and I burp and I fаrт, like everybody else."
Britney Spears
"I don't believe in sеx before marriage. I go out with boys, and we kiss, but that's it."
Britney Spears
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
Britney Spears

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Q. Why was there lipstick on the blonde's steering wheel?A. She tried to вlоw the horn.

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A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said,
"How do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a веll, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

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Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident? The spare tire in his trunk blew out.

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A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!" The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!" The blonde replies,
"No. I won a motor home!" By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes." Again the blonde says,
"There is no mistake! I won a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

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Two blondes were building a house. One saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into it."Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?"
"Well, when I pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, I nail it in. If it is facing away from the house, it is defective and I throw it away."
"You idiот, those nails aren't defective, they are for the other side of the house."

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How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? It is the one with the kickstand.

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How can you tell that a blonde been baking chocolate chip cookies?
There are M&M shells all over the floor.

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A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."

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Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a сrар." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and сrар." The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my аss." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!" He left and came back with сrар all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hеll happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your аss with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

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There was this bartender & he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting "44 days! 44 days!" One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked,
"Why are you chanting 44 days?" She set down the puzzle on the counter and said,
"A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!"

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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the W's!

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A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. 'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. 'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.' The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie. 'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

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I don't think any would stick. I shouldn't be spreading such bad puns and drive everyone nuts. Any one butter than me? Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? I`m not teling you. You might spread it! Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? Because she`s nuts! How is a dumb blonde like peanut butter? They spread for the bread. I told my girlfriend I was breaking up with her because she had peanut butter legs. She asked,
"What do you mean?" I said,
"Your legs are nice and smooth and easy to spread like peanut butter." What`s the feepng you get after popshing a peanut? Post nut clarity. Why are peanuts afraid of going out? They`re afraid of getting a-salted. When can peanuts laugh? When you сrаск them up! What kind of sandwiches do sharks eat? Peanut butter and Jellyfish Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? The Shell station! What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut! What did applesauce say to peanut butter? You`re Nutty! Photo by Corleto Peanut butter on Unsplash

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How do you make a blonde a brunette? Turn her upside down

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