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Blonde Jokes

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Doctor - "Your pregnant"
Blonde - "Is it mine?"
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A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.
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Chuck Norris is so tough, he roundhouse kicked this into another section.
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How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
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A blonde, a fат brunette, and a skinny redhead find a magic mirror. If you lie to the mirror you die. The redhead says,
"I look fат," and dies. The brunette says,
" I look skinny," and dies. The blonde says,
"I think..." and dies.
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"May I take your order?" the blonde waitress asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special sir," she replied, "we just tell them straight out that theyre going to die."
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A blonde's neighbor's house was on fire so she called 911. The blonde told the operator, "My neighbor's house is on fire!" The operator asked, "Where are you?" The blonde answered, "At my house." The operator replied, "No, I'm asking how do we get there?" The blonde said,
"In a firetruck, duh!"
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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were thinking about what they would do if they went to space. The redhead said,
"I would adopt a martian." The brunette said,
"I would give Pluto some steroids." The Blonde said,
"I would go to the sun." The redhead replied, "But you would burn up and die." The blonde responded, "Not if I went at night."
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Why did the blonde like lightening? She thought someone was taking a picture of her.
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This blonde calls me and says,
"What's your phone number? I cant find it!"
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A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answered, "I won her at the fair."
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A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don't match, one is red and the other is white. Her friend sees her out and says,
"You know your socks don't match, right? You're wearing one red sock and one white sock." The blonde responds, "That's so weird! I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home."
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A police officer sees a blonde woman driving and knitting at the same time. Exasperated, he drives up next to her and screams out the window, "Pull over!" The blonde responds, "No Silly, it's a scarf."
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A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies,
"I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."
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A brunette, redhead, and blonde are stranded on the edge of a cliff. An angel appears and instructs them to jump off the cliff and say out loud what they would like to land on safely. The brunette goes first. She jumps and says,
"Pillows!" She lands on a pile of pillows at the bottom. The redhead goes next. She jumps and says "Feathers!" She lands on a mass of feathers below. The blonde walks up to the edge, but trips on a rock, yelling, "Shiт!" as she falls off.
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How do you get a blond on the roof?
You tell her the food is on the house.
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Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and кill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and кill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and кill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and кill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to кill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
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A blond and a guy go in a elevator
The guys ask were shes going she says to give blood i get 20$ from it were are you going?
Guy says to donate sреrм i get like 500$ from it
Next day they meet again he asks were shes going she says sреrм bank with her mouth full
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