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Blonde Jokes

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Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers?
Because they can't even!
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"Out in the sea a ship sank. The only survivors were a brunette, a red head and a blonde. The only choice they had was to swim 100 metres back to shore. The brunette left first and swam 70 metres but she drowned. The red head left second and swam 80 metres but she drowned. The blonde was last and she swam 50 metres but she got tired and swam back."
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What is the mating call of a blond? I'm so drunк. What is the mating call of a brunette? Is that blonde gone yet? What is ther mating call of a redhead? NEXT!
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A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?” The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don’t need curtains for computers.” The blonde’s eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”
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A blonde sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk, "What is that and what's it for?" The clerk answers, "It's a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde says,
"I'll take it." When she gets to work, her blonde boss asks, "What is that?" The blonde worker says,
"It's a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot."
"Whatcha got in it?"
"A cup of coffee and a Popsicle."
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A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver and says,
"You failed to stop at the red light. Let me see your driver's licence." The blonde asks, "What does that look like?" The blonde cop answers, "It is rectangular and has your picture on it." The blonde looks around inside her purse and mistakes her mirror for the license. When she hands it to the blonde officer, he looks at it and replies,
"Oh, I didn't know you were also an officer. You can go!"
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Three blondes had boyfriends all named John and they kept getting confused. They decided to name them after sodas. The first girl said,
"I'll call mine 7 Up, because he's seven inches and he's always up." The next girl said,
"I'll call mine Mountain Dew, because he mounts me and knows exactly what to do." The last girl goes, "I'll call mine Jack Daniels." The other girls yelled at her and said,
"That's not a soda! That's a hard licker!"
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A ventriloquist is performing with his duммy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jеrк on your knee!”
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Why did the blonde put water on her computer?
To wash the Windows.
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A blond asked his friend, "Why does my sister have two brothers and I only have one???"
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Four blondes are ordering a few rounds of drinks. Each time they get up, they toast and say, "14 weeks," then they down their drinks. The bartender finally asks the blondes, "What's the deal?" One blonde says,
"Well, we bought a boxed puzzle. It said 'two to six years,' and we did it in 14 weeks!"
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What do dim lamps and blondes have in common?
They both tend to be hot, but not too bright.
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a сriме and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and кill them. The brunette is called up. She says,
"Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away. Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says,
"Ready, aim, earthquake!" Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away. Then it's the blonde's turn, who says,
"Ready, aim, fire!"
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A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked,
"Did you see the guy that did it?" She said,
"No, but I got the license plate."
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Three blondes and a brunette are hanging on the wing of an airplane in flight. The pilot tells them that they are too heavy and one of them has to get off or they will all die. After a minute, the blondes decide that the brunette should get off. "Okay, but I want these to be my last words," the brunette replies and begins to sing, "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands..."
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How do you confuse a blonde?
Give her a box of corn flakes and tell her it's a jigsaw puzzle.
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A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read "1 Hour Only," but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.
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A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice:
"If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said,
"Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"
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