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A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.

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I was going to tell you the joke about the pencil, but there's really no point to it.

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I really like Trees, they really "spruce" the place up.

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Ive been trying to make a Rhino joke.
But its making me hоrny....

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I just threw up a gang sign, which is weird, because I don't remember eating one.

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He's so far in the closet, he can see Narnia.

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I'm trying to think of a Miley Cyrus joke but its not twerking.

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What is the difference between the bird flu and the swinе flu?
For the bird flu you get tweetment and for the swinе flu you receive oinkment.

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I asked a girl at the gym today what her New Years Resolution is and she said “fuск you!”. Looks like 2017 is going to be a good year.

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Guy: *pulls out cell phone cuz he got a text*
Ex-girlfriend: i saw a couple on a date today, reminded me of you.
Guy: i saw some dog shiт today, reminded me of you

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When a deaf person is thinking, what language is it in?

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If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?

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Rock a bye baby on the tree top when the wind blows the bass will drop jkbfrgjkejghkfq3fgkuyd2ftudeuky

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Did you know that the invention of the shovel was a ground breaking invention?

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I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

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Say 'addicted' after everything I ask:
What is someone who does drugs?
What is someone who drinks?
What hit you in the face last night?
Addicted

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The moonshiner artist excelled at "still" life.

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Today we're here to announce the award for the most In-accurate Weather Report. The following 9000 nominees are...

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