One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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It's no shave November, Halo 4 & Black Ops 2 were released. Pregnancy rates are at an all time low.

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My baby son just said his first words, but also his last.
No one interrupts me when I'm talking.

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My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and маsтurватiоn. I'm always trying to pull a fast one.

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Everything is made in China. Except babies.. they're made in VaChina.

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Im not saying she's a sluт, I'm just saying I've seen her vаginа on dirтy jobs.

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The only reason I know how to spell beautiful is from Bruce Almighty.

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I'm only a morning person on December 25th.

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To be old and wise, you first must be young and sтuрid.

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Dear Santa,
I've been good all year. Okay most of the time. Once in awhile... fuск it I'll buy my own shiт.

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I seen the most beautiful painting at the store the other day... But then I realized it was a mirror.

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If stress were a drug, I would be high as f*ck.

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Don't play with her heart, play with her воовs.

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Taken is the adult version of Finding Nemo.

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If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

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Calm down... If the Mayans were good at predicting the future, there would still be Mayans.

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Mayan Guy: Hey wanna вееr?
Other Mayan Guy: I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.

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Disneyland.
The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse.

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It takes a lot of ваlls to golf the way I do.

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