One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Sometimes I take really hot showers to practice burning in hell

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The Mayans predicted that the world would end on December 21rst. I predicted that I'd be filty rich by the age of 18. I guess we both were wrong.

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How many Mayans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they predicted it would change itself.

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I'm sweating like a fаggот at a hotdog stand.

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The best part about being a procrastinator is you always have something to do... tomorrow.

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Some times you gotta grab life by the тiтs and shake it up a bit.

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There are two things in this life that we all can agree on. Воовs.

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House sitting is fun until someone falls off a roof.

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Having a small diск is the leading cause of acting like a big one.

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I didn't give a fuск until I drank Red Bull.
Now I don't give a flying f*ck.

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After sеx, I enjoy a big glass of get the fuск out of my house.

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Obama would be the worst cashier ever.
He'd never give change

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People probably won't remember what you do or say, but they'll never forget that one time you banged a fatty.

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Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

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I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

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I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I can't listen to myself, I'm drunk

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Women are like shed roofs, if you don't nail them hard enough they'll end up next door.

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A big shout out to sidewalks... Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

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