One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I hate when I walk into the classroom late and everyone stares at me like I just killed two people when I obviously killed seven.

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I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

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Never try to argue with someone that's on Adderall... Cause you will never win.

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Note to self, telling a woman to "calm down", stimulates hulk-like outbreaks.

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When life gives you lemons, throw them back and yell "I WANTED ORANGES!!!"

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If Jesus is the god of lamb, and the mother of Jesus is Mary, so that means Mary had a little lamb?

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Never pick up a homeless hitchhiker, they'll never go home.

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That awkward moment when you realize that "Hakuna Matata" is the PG version of I don't give a f*ck.

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That awkward moment your boss catches you answering phones with a British accent when your bored..

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Your mouth is like a вuтт, when you speak shiт comes out

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For all you mothers out there today, remember that you have high school tomorrow, so don't stay up too late.

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If you use dollar bills to make it rain would throwing a handful of quarters at a stripper be considered making it hail?

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Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

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I should've known that it wasn't gonna work out between me and my ex girlfriend. After all, I'm a Scorpio and she's a b*tch.

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It's always good to spread happiness, so smile at a stranger today.
Or flash them your воовs, strangers love воовs!

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Got hired at Walmart. Do I start pulling my teeth out now or do they just fall out at orientation?

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That annoying moment when your Capri Sun refuses to lose it's virginity.

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Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier if my wardrobe wasn't so FABULOUS!

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