One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 2 seconds, but instead, I'm gonna run it over 100 times with my vacuum at different angles.

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Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It's just part of being a dentist.

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We call her "magnet" because she attractive from the back and repulsive from the front.

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I really hope we can call ninjas with red hair "ginjas".

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My uncle was on drugs for years, but almost relapsed and got himself killed. All because he saw a sign that said "сrаск in the road"!!

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There's a big difference between a bear hug and a bare hug...

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My blind date told me on the phone that she was far from ugly, when I met her I realized she was a lot closer than she thinks! this b*tch need prescription make up!!

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When nobody is home, I like to bury myself in the garden and pretend I'm a carrot..

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If the zombie apocalypse happens in Vegas... will it stay in Vegas?

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I got covered in ketchup earlier today, from my head tomatoes.

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I swear if I didn't have a smartphone i'd be asleep 4 hours earlier every night.

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I miss being able to slam my phone down when I hang up on somebody. Violently tapping "end call" just isn't doing it for me.

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For anything that I said or did last night, I plead the fifth...
... Of vоdка.

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Everyone's middle name should be "Motherf*ckin". Try it. Doesn't it sound so great?

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Why doesn't someone invent a clear toaster so you can see how toasted your toast is while it's toasting?

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Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches.
When you can no longer get the straw in the hole, you've had enough.

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Attention Walmart Shoppers: Dress for the body you have, not the body you want.

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I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the сrар out of me. That's it. No more reading!

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