One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.

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I am done trying to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.

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The sad moment when you return to your ordinary life after watching an awesome movie.

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I want world peace so bad that I will punch anyone in the face who opposes me.

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I hope you brought your wallet, because the rent in Неll is paid in advance.

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How guy's propose: On one knee.
How girl's propose:
"I'm pregnant!"

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I don't understand why Wal-mart has a problem with people bringing their dogs in the store. Dogs are better behaved, smell better, and are a lot less likely to take a сrар on the floor than 95% of the people there.

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If Wal-mart sells belts, why do I see so many вuтт cracks?

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If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up, I could build the coolest tree house ever!

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My life would be easier if I had a реnis and testicles instead of a vаginа and feelings.

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I'm not saying your sтuрid, i'm just saying that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.

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My thoughts today are like underwear. I don't have any clean ones.

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I hang a sock on my doorknob to let my roommates know I’m using the other one.

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I get my cereal from a tiger, insurance from a gecko, toilet paper from a bear, financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.

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Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide if you're doing anything with your life today.

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"I bet you a dollar you wont give me a dollar"

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I haven't seen you since that one time I hoped I'd never see you again.

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Tupperware needs to be called TupperWHERE THE FUСК IS THE LID.

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