The Essential Guide to Women:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
Im sorry = Youll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = Youll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I dont want you to
Im not upset = Of course Im upset, you moron
Youre so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = Im going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today youre going to hate
Ill be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, youre dead]
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