Engelse moppen

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;
It's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'So you're a man;
That's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replied, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
'This must be a sign from God!'
The woman continued, 'And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The blond replies.....'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?
Лежи една жена в реанимацията In His Image A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was immediately transported to the hospital. In surgery for a heart attack Llevan a Emily de emergencia al hospital pues ha sufrido un paro cardíaco. La llevan de inmediato al quirófano Una mujer de 27 años Schönheits OPs Eine mittelalte Frau hatte einen Herzanfall und wurde zum Spital gebracht. Wie sie am Operationstisch lag C'est une vieille dame de 75 ans qui a une vision une nuit Αγνώριστη Una giovane donna si ammala e deve essere sottoposta ad un difficile intervento chirurgico. Durante l'operazione vede Dio e gli chiede: "Morirò?" Dio la tranquillizza: "Non ti preoccupare Una donna di 70 anni va in paradiso e Dio gli dice: "Facciamo così... Ti rimando indietro di 35 anni così hai ancora degli anni a disposizione" La donna ringrazia il Signore e torna sulla terra.... Kadının biri çok sağlıklıyken birgün kalp krizi geçirir ve acilen ameliyata alırlar ameliyat esnasında rüya görür ve rüyasında şeytanı görür ve şeytana sorar: - kaç yıllık ömrüm kaldı. diye... Uma mulher foi levada às pressas para a UTI de um Hospital. Lá chegando Był sobie facet bardzo brzydki Een vrouw van 46 krijgt een hartaanval en ligt in het hospitaal. Terwijl ze op de operatietafel ligt Unei babe ii apare Dumnezeu in vis si ii spune ca o sa mai traiasca 35 de ani. A doua zi baba merge la o clinica de chirurgie estetica si isi face lifting facial
A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands. “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands. “That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” About 15 students raise their hand. “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” Three students raise their hands.”That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says:
“Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.” The Middle Eastern muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Ahmed, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?” Ahmed replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”
Learn to speak Chinese:
1) That’s not right ………………….. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?…………. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP………………………….. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ……………………… Dum ***
5) Small Horse ……………………. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ………… Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table …….. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ……….. Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s very dark in here …………….. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ……….. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ……………. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week … Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ……………. Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile ………. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ……….. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great ……………………………. Fa Kin Su Pah
След 15 години един мъж избягал от затвора. Затвореник A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair A man and his wife are waken one night by glass breaking. An escaped prisoner storms into their bedroom and ties up the two of them: the husband to a chair A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life Después de permanecer por más de 15 años encarcelado Un reo Ein Sträfling flieht aus dem Gefängnis Ein Sträfling Ein Sträfling flieht nach 15 Jahren aus dem Gefängnis. Er bricht in das erstbeste Haus ein und findet schon im ersten Raum etwas Geld Un homme condamné pour meurtre s'enfuit après 15 ans de prison. Il pénètre dans une maison isolée ou un jeune couple dort paisiblement. Il attache l'homme sur une chaise a un bout de la chambre et la femme sur le lit à l'autre bout. Ensuite Un homme s’évade après 15 ans de prison. Il entre dans une maison pour voler de l’argent et pourquoi pas un fusil mais il trouve un jeune couple au lit. Le fugitif ordonne à l’homme de sortir du... Un prisonnier vient de sortir de prison et decide d'aller cambrioler la maison d'un jeune couple. Lorsqu'il reussit a entrer dans la maison il ligote les deux mariés. Il se penche vers la femme et... Un tizio entra in una casa isolata dove una giovane coppia dorme tranquillamente. Lega l’uomo su una sedia da un lato della stanza e la donna sul letto dal lato opposto. Si avvicina alla giovane e... Un prigioniero riesce Um homem escapou da prisão Um cara invade uma casa a noite Um prisioneiro consegue fugir da penitenciária depois de 25 anos preso. Ele entra numa casa e pega um casal jovem dormindo no quarto. Ele amarra o marido uma cadeira num lado do quarto e a mulher... En förrymd fånge som suttit i fängelse för mord hade spenderat 25 år av sitt liv bakom lås och bom. Nu var han på rymmen och hade brutit sig in i ett hus Inskickad av Jennie. Tack för bidraget ;-) En man som suttit 15 år i fängelse lyckas rymma. Han finner ett hus som han bryter sig in i eftersom han behöver pengar och vapen. Han finner ett ungt par... Ett ungt par blev överfallna i sitt hem och fastbundna i sängen. Pojkvännen viskade till sin flickvän: - Det här är säkert en livsfarlig psykopat! Du får inte reta upp honom. Om han vill ha sex med... De gedetineerde Et ægtepar bliver overrumplet at en indbrudstyv. Han binder dem til sengen og bøjer sig ned og kysser kvinden på kinden. Derefter går han ud på badeværelset. Manden siger til konen: Jeg så godt han... En mann som har rømt fra fengsel bryter seg inn i et hus for å se etter penger og nye klær. Inne i huset finner han et ungt par i senga. Han beordrer mannen ut av senga og binder ham til en stol.... Egy rab megszökik a börtönből Egy elítélt 15 év raboskodás után megszökik a fegyházból. Bujkál egy ideig Un individ evadeaza din inchisoare. Intra intr-o casa la nimereala si gaseste un cuplu in pat. Ii cere tipului sa se ridice si il leaga de un scaun Pabėga žmogelis iš kalėjimo
A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
She responds:
“He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”