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What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.

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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

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What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.

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A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, ”Do you want an aquarium?”
The guy responds, ”I don’t care what star sign it is!”

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What do you call bears with no ears? B–

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How do you make holy water? You boil the hеll out of it.

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Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

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I was wondering why the ball was getting вiggеr. Then it hit me.

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Where do you find a соw with no legs? Right where you left it.

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Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.

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A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, ”I want a grilled …. cheese.” The waiter says,
- ”What’s with the pause?"
"Whaddya mean?” the bear replies. ”I’m a bear!”

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What’s E. T. short for? Because he’s only got little legs.

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Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize
Them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

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Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other,
”I need you to help me get to the other side!”
The other guy replies,
”You’re on the other side!”

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a littlelighter.

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And God said to John, ”Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, ”What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, ”I’m a big metal fаn.”

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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

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