Dark Humor Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

They were tired because they had to go every day and clean up the grave, clean up condoms and вееr cans and bottles, needles, trash all over the place. That's what's so cool -- when you're getting kicked out for partying, and you've been dead since 1971.

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Dark Humor Jokes

When the sisters fight, you know who won the fight because there'll be extensions all over the floor.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Every year for my birthday, she would make me a birthday cake from scratch, and then she would let me liск the egg beaters. And then she would turn them on, and that would hurt my tongue.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Imagine you are in a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. What do you do?
Stop imagining.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Never tell your BFF that they're your BFF...
It leads to an awkward silence and then "ОМG! really?" And then "Well_______ is my BFF so sorry!" That's what my BFF did anyway, wait... Hey that somehow was all my imagination!!!!

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Dark Humor Jokes

What's grosser than gross?
Giving your grandmother оrаl sеx. And then hitting your head on the coffin lid.

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Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes

Kickass if star wars is better then star Trek

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Dark Humor Jokes

I refuse to go to the bathroom on an airplane because if I'm gonna die in a cartwheeling ball of flames, it is not gonna be in a flying outhouse with my pants around my ankles.

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Dark Humor Jokes

I, too, have a conspiracy theory. I believe that Einstein was killed by the mafia because he knew too much.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Hitchhikers see me coming, they hide behind trees. I'm so miserable, I pull over anyways:
'Come on -- hop in and stab me. Let's get it over with.'

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Dark Humor Jokes

A duck walks into a bar and animal control is called bc it is unsanitary to have a duck in the bar

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Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes

You ever just been by a place and been like, 'Man, if I went in there, I know I'd get laid'? I get that feeling all the time 'cause I live near a prison.

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

I got my driver's license when I was 16. And the day I got it, I was driving my car through a parking lot -- I hit a parked car. Normally when you do that, you're supposed to put a note on the car that says, 'Whoops, sorry.' But my note said something different; it said, 'You know you wanted it.'

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Dark Humor Jokes

No, you mean over MY dead body!

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Dark Humor Jokes

Last Thursday, there's an ambulance outside my house, loading a body in. So, I go up to the cop at the door and say, 'What's going on?' He says, 'Looks like your wife committed suicide.' I'm thinking, 'Oh great. Right before the weekend.' So I go down to the morgue to identify her body, and I spend half the day there browsing. The morgue guy pulls up the tray, pulls back the sheet, and I said, 'Yeah, that's her.' All of a sudden, he starts laughing. I said, 'What's so funny?' Next thing I know, the lights come on, she pops up -- 'Surprise! Happy Birthday!' I couldn't believe I fell for that two years in a row.

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Dark Humor Jokes

We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting -- they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.

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Dark Humor Jokes

I was in the bank the other day. I was on line for about 45 minutes. I got bored. So, the guy standing in front of me -- I just punched him in the back of the head. I said, 'I'm sorry. I thought I knew you.'

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Dark Humor Jokes

I especially hate people that have life-after-death experiences because they're just so full of it, you know? 'Oh, I had an accident, and then I was headed towards this bright white light.' You know, the first thing an ambulance crew does when they find an unconscious victim? They shine something in your eye.

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Dark Humor Jokes

When I was in junior high, we moved to the suburbs to a neighborhood that was not very tough at all. Even our school bully was only passive-aggressive. He wouldn't take your lunch; he'd just go, 'You're gonna eat all that?'

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School Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

What is funnier than a реnguin falling down a hill?
The реnguin that pushed him.

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Dark Humor Jokes