Newest jokes

Newest jokes

Quick question:
Is it "for fucks sake" or "for fuck sake"?
lt's for work, so I want to make sure this email sounds professional.

A handjob a day keeps the doctor away!

Itls been a bit of a strange day!
First I found a hat full of money.
Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar...

Man hires a Chinese Private Investigator, Chen Lee, to watch his wife.
A few days later he gets this report : Sir.
I watch house.
You leave house.
He came to house.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she go hotel.
I climb tree and look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip.
She strip.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall out tree.
I not see.
No fee.
Chen Lee.
Very Sollee!

When you finally got enough money to open your fucking restaurant

When you finally got enough money to open your fucking restaurant

Three guys are stuck on a deserted island when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pop out. The genie looks at the three guys and says:
"I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF!He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island and wishes to go home. POOF!He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is."Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"

Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor?
A: Long distance!

Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE

I got 99 problems and being upside down ain't one.
Ok wait I got 66 problems.

Officer: "I'm arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia."
Man: "No wait! I can explain everything!"