Police stops a man in his car.
Police: Sir, what’s in that bottle?
Man replies: Water.
Police: [sniffs] It smells like wine!
Man: Oh no, Jesus did it again!
A little boy, already tucked in bed, asks his daddy to please leave the light on.
“But why? Such a big boy?”
“I’m afraid of the dark, daddy…”
“Now that’s just racist, son!”
Guest to a waiter: “I’m actually quite sorry we haven’t discovered your restaurant earlier.”
Waiter: “Oh, that’s nice. So you liked it here?”
Guest: “No. But earlier, that meat might have still been OK.”
Police: Do you know why we stopped you?
Man: No, I’m as baffled as you are!
A man looks at himself in the mirror: “1 inch more and I’d be a king.”
The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”
- So, Mr. Brandberg, are you happy with your new hearing aid?
– Very much, doctor. I already changed my last will twice!
American psychologists have isolated two fundamental reasons why men frequent bars.
1) They don’t have a woman.
2) They have a woman.
Joe asks Peter: "Wow, so many scars. You must have had an adventurous life!"
Peter replies: "No, I have a cat."
Why are seniors encouraged to take healing mud baths?
So they’d slowly start getting used to earth.
Two farmers are walking down a road when suddenly they’re passed by a headless biker.
Weird, but – well. They continue down the road. After a while they are passed by a headless bicyclist.
Hm. They walk on for a bit when one says to the other, “Joe, how about you put the scythe on your other shoulder?”
