Lawyer Jokes

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

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An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.

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WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
Yes sir, we do.

25

A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.

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Why are there so many lawyers in the U. S.?
Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

29

A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.
Do you trust your fellow officers?
Yes sir, with my life.

31

Top ten ways the Internet could get worse
10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America On-Line.
9. "MAKE MONEY FAST" posts protected by 1st amendment, declare internet lawyers Canter & Siegel.
8. Home shopping "network".
7. Netrek corporate sponsorships. Out: Orion, Pollux, Klingus. In: Planet Bud, Toyota Prime, Intelworld.
6. Sun internet servers replaced with pentiums.
5. Dan Quayle appointed head of "bandwidth expansion tiger team".
4. Free netcom account with purchase of big mac.
3. Gameboy web browsers.
2. Tipper Gore cancelbot unleashed onto the net.
And the number one way the internet can get worse:
1. Two words:
"Microsoft Network"

32

For six years, the young attorney had worked incredibly long hours in his quest to make partner, and had taken only brief respites at a nearby country inn. During his last, brief visit, he had a moment of passion with the innkeeper's daughter. Having done little but stare at the walls of his office since then, he looked forward to his next trip to the inn, in the hope that they could pick up where they left off. Finally, he had another chance to take a couple of days off. Excited, he hauled his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Why didn't you call me when you learned you were pregnant?" he asked. "You know I would have have done the right thing, we could have been married. I would be a good provider."
"Well," she said,
"When my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer." Submitted by Curtis Edited by Yisman

33

Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same place. He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, "Did you just lick me twice in the butt?" The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

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