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First Mexican victim of Corona Virus

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Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.

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Dirty jokes | Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes

My ex texted me, “Wish you were here.”
She does that every time she walks through a cemetery.

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Men-Women jokes

Girl to fiancé: "When we’re married I want to share all your troubles and worries."
Fiancé: ‘But I don’t have any troubles and worries.’
Girl: ‘I know, but we’re not married yet.’

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”.
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Dark Humor

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Valentine's Day Jokes | Birthday Jokes

Mary to Jill: ‘My last boyfriend said he fantasised about having two girls at once.
Jill: ‘Most men do. What did you tell him?’
Mary: ‘I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to рiss off another one?”’

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Jokes about Women | Men jokes | Sex Jokes

This morning I was beaten up by a вusтy woman in an elevator.
I was staring at воовs and she said "Press One please?"
So I did... I don't remember much after that.

1982

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Jokes about Women | Sex Jokes | Boob Jokes

An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that", he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"

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Work Jokes, Office Jokes | News & Politics | Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Old People Jokes

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F!

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Celebrity jokes, Celebrities Jokes, Pop Culture jokes | Animal Jokes | Donald Trump Jokes | Political Joke | Whats The Difference, What's The Difference jokes

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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Jokes about Women | Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Men jokes | Life Jokes

When a woman says 'What'?
It is not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you the chance to change what you said

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Jokes about Women

I accidentally passed my wife a glue stick instead of a chap stick...
She's still not talking to me ...

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A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati."
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.
"That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route."

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Aviation Jokes | Customer service jokes | Travel jokes

A little boy says:
‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’
‘Son,’ says the dad. ‘That happens everywhere.’

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Men jokes | Dad Jokes | Jokes about Africa

An elderly man remembers the good old days:
“When I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single $, and I would bring back 5 pounds of potatoes, 2 breads, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. Nowadays that’s impossible – there are simply to many security cameras."

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Men jokes | Old People Jokes | Single People Joke

A farmer gets a phone call from his son.
"I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."
"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."
About 20mins later he gets another call..."
"Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"

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Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

Today my boss shouted at me for so long that in the end I replied unintentionally:
Yes, honey!

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Work Jokes, Office Jokes | Jokes about Bosses