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A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans.

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"
"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"
"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat them with all the shit still inside?"

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is.

If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.

I am not like other girls, I know what I want for dinner.

I've been thinking about it since lunch.

My love, If you're smiling, send me your smiles.

If you're sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you're crying send me your tears.
I LOVE YOU

..reply.. .

I'm on the toilet, What should i send you?

A group of tourists visit the Niagara Falls and are accompanied by a guide.

The guide says:
- I welcome you all to the Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high that the sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard!"
- Now, may I request that the ladies in the back keep quiet so that we can hear the falls!

How can you face your problem,

if your problem is your face?!