Sex Jokes

Sex Jokes

What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.

Did I tell you the joke about my dick?
Never mind its too long.

How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”

Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!

They say sex can be a spiritual experience.
For me it’s praying that I won’t get caught.

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their 10th wedding Anniversary when the wife says:
‘Darling, as this is such a special Occasion I think that it is time I made a confession……
Before we were married I Was a hooker for eight years..’
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife’s eyes and Says, ‘my love, you have been a perfect wife for 10 years!
And I cannot Hold your past against you..
Maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade so as to spice up our Sex life a bit..?’
She said, ‘Darling I don’t think you understood me correctly, I played rugby for Australia…
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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
"Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"