Sex Jokes

Sex Jokes

Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!

Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died?
A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband.
"Don't you love him anymore?" asked the lawyer.
"Oh, I still love him," she replied, "but all he ever wants is make love, I can't take it anymore."
"Instead of divorcing him, why don't you try charging him every time he wants to make love?" the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.
As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her.
"Not so fast," she replied. "From now on it'll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom."
"Well, then," he said. "Here's $50."
The wife began walking to the bedroom.
"Hold on," he said, grabbing her hand. "That'll be five times in the kitchen!"

Yo mama is so fat that when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

I don't need sex, because the government fucks me everyday.

Hey girl, were you born on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children.
“You all have obsessions,” he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said: “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mum, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself in your children’s names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.”
He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your children’s names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the cat, “Whisky”
He then turned to the fourth Mum June: “Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy.”
At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
“Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s pick up Fanny and Willy and go home.”

People should have the option to make a personal choice!
I have frequently not had sex due to lots of peoples’ personal choices.

Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.