Putin jokes, Vladimir Putin Jokes

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Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote
Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

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- Can a woman be a president of Russia? - No, because i am not a woman

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Putin - most powerful man on the world

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For di-cks that don't know when to pull out

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Vladimir Putin - European tour

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While Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears. Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: “Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us?”
Stalin gives him advice: “Send 5 million Russians to their death at war, and paint the Kremlin blue.”
“Why blue?” asks Vladimir Putin.
“… I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with the first part,” chuckles the old Stalin.

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Biden calls Putin to discuss the latest situation. He shares with Putin:
“I had an interesting dream – I saw Moscow, full of light, joy, dancing and laughter, with people driving luxury cars – just like it was before all these war sanctions. There were neon lights and billboards all over the city!” At this point, Putin asks:
“And what did these billboards say?” Biden responds:
“How the hеll would I know… I don’t speak Ukrainian.”

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Vladimir Putin consulted with a fortune teller. He asked:
“How long will I live?”
The psychic replied:
“I cannot tell that but I do know you will die on a Ukrainian holiday.”
“Which holiday?” Putin asked.
“Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday.”

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Vladimir Putin walks up to a customs agent at the airport after landing in a foreign country. Agent asks:
Name?
Putin says: Vladimir.
The agent asks: Occupation?
Putin responds: No, I’m only visiting this country.

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What’s the difference between Putin and Нiтlеr?
Hitler knew when to кill himself.

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Putin, winter is coming

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Why did you attack the Jedi Temple? A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

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Shiт face

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Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.
During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.
First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, “Ivan, jump down.”
Ivan replied in tears, “Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son.”
Putin explained that he was only joking, and let Ivan out.
Then Kim Jong-Un called his guard Lee, and told him to jump. Lee started running toward the window.
Putin grabbed him and said, “Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!”
Struggling, Lee replied, “Let me go! I have a wife and a son!”

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Speculation was rife as to why Vladimir Putin has been missing for the last 10 days.
Turns out he had the flu.
That’s what happens when you fight cold wars.

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If you rearrange the letters in "Vladimir Putin" you get murdered.

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Russia's Three Steps to Homework
Step 1. Putin it off
Step 2. Stalin
Step 3. Russian to finish

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What did a hоокеr say to the Russian President?
Vladimir Putin

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