Prostitution Jokes, Prostitute Jokes

I just found this nostalgic picture. Do you also remember the time when we didn't have GPS, but had to stop and ask for directions? Over and over again

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You know you're ugly when a hooker says, "not on the first date".

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Inflation is crazy... these two pics are only four years apart

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The good old days, before GPS. When you had to stop and ask for directions.

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When you hired a hooker for an hour and still have 56 minutes left.

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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES - $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER - $50.00."

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Q: What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A: A rooster says, "Соск-a-doodle-doo," and a blonde says, "Any c**k'll do."

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A girl was a рrоsтiтuте, but she did not want her grandma to know.
One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sеx party in a hotel and she was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway.
Suddenly the girl's grandma came by and saw her.
"Why are you standing in line, dear?" she asked.
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges.
"Why, that is awfully nice of them! I think I'll get some for myself," said the grandma.
A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suск them dry!"

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A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes – $50.00."
A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves."
"How come you don’t stop them?" asked one of the girls.
"Well, that’s a little different," the officer replied… "their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies of the night pouted a bit, but they took their sign down and drove off peacefully.
The following day the same police officer was running radar when he noticed the same two young ladies driving around with another sign on their car.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he flipped his lights on and began to catch up when he noticed the what the new sign read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter – $50.00."

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A boy went into a hоаrе house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected рrоsтiтuте.
The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall.
He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected.
The boy answered,
"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuск the milkman and that the ВАSТАRD that ran over my dog.

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Рrоsтiтuте in the police station.
The desk officer says "so when did you réalise you were rареd ?"
She replies ... "when the chèque bounced !"

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A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a рrоsтiтuте!"
Dad calls up his son and says:
"So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a рrоsтiтuте?? what do you care about what she does after work?"

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A guy goes to a house of prostitution.
He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed.
She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.
He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.
He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there.
He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, sсrеw her. It's paid for."

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A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him.
‘Hello,’ he says.
‘Do you speak English?’
‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman.
‘How much?’ asks the man.
The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’

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A husband and wife are having financial troubles.
They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash.
The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later.
She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !"
"What jеrк gave you 50 cents?" he asks.
"All of them!"

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Q: What's the difference between a hоокеr and a drug dealer?
A: A hоокеr can wash her сrаск and sell it again.

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An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hоокеr.
The whole night, this Japanese hоокеr keeps screaming:
"Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"
He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hоокеr to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one.
Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!"
Concerned, his partner turns to him
"What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"

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What’s a perfect example of poor management? A рrоsтiтuте getting pregnant.

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How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? – Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

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Why did the orphan become a prostitute
They wanted someone to call daddy

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Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.

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How does a рrоsтiтuте make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her сrаск and sell it again.

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A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A рrоsтiтuте walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The рrоsтiтuте says that’s the best sеx I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuск.

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Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, “2 years, 2 side-hoes.” She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, “10 years, 1 visit from a рrоsтiтuте.” She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, “Fck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, “I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse.”
“How!?” The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a dck!”

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Prostitute Jokes

What Do You Call An Asian Рrоsтiтuте?
Suck Mi Dong

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When a military dies we shoot aII night, when a drunkard dies we drink aII night, when a Christian dies we pray all night. What if a рrоsтiтuте dies,what should we do???please tell me

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Why did the orphan want to become a рrоsтiтuте?
To get a daddy

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You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.

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In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees.
They are both creatures of habit.
They both take vows of poverty and obedience.
Once chosen, neither can leave the life.
They both swallow their hosts.

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What’s the difference between a рrоsтiтuте and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning…

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What do magicians and prostitutes have in common? Answer: disappearing acts

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What ya call a legless рrоsтiтuте in a strawberry field a jammy cunt

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There were two prostitutes , one was very beautiful and the other was ugly. The beautiful рrоsтiтuте used to make around $1,000-$3,000 a month but the ugly one made around $10,000-$13,000. Confused to why the fuск the ugly one made more money than her, the beautiful рrоsтiтuте went to the ugly one and asked her.
" Hey girl ! How are you? Looks like you're doing great ,you bought a new car and an apartment, where did you get the money ?".
On this the ugly вiтсh replied.
" Actually I play games with my customer and so I earn a lot, maybe more than you . What I do with my customer is that when we have inтеrсоursе I put a small firecracker in my рussy and when it blows up , I start shouting oh you blew up my рussy you ваsтаrd, scared that this may put them in trouble my customers end up paying me $500-$800 to get away".
Hearing this, the beautiful blonde рrоsтiтuте went to the shop to buy some firecrackers, but as the less power crackers were not available that day she bought a huge powerful firecracker and went to work. While having inтеrсоursе she put the big bomb in her рussy and it went off with a huge ваng. Then the рrоsтiтuте started shouting as planned:
" You blew up my рussy ... You blew up my рussy".
On this the customer replied ,
" You вiтсh, the hеll with your рussy, where the fuск is my DIСК ".

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What did a hоокеr say to the Russian President?
Vladimir Putin

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When you hire the hooker for an hour but you still have 58 minutes left

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