Animal Jokes

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.

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Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.

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One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar.
Man says "you can leave that lion here."
The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."

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I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.

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Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.

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Why was the horse all charged up?
It ate some haywire!

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The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.

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What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa?
A cowch potato.

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My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh.
If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.

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A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.

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What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass?
"Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"

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Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.

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If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?

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You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right?
Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla".
Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.

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There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies:
"I just bit my lip!"

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When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head?
Steer phones.

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Teacher: Give me an example of animal.
Jimmy: Frog
Teacher: Give me another.
Jimmy: Another Frog.

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A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied:
I love sauna!

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Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.

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