Jokes From our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Jokes-441655979354080)

Jokes From our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Jokes-441655979354080)

A man walks into a bar.
Lucky bastard.

Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on.
Girl: Well its wrong...
Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

Blonde 1: Don't tell anyone but Bees scare me.
Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me

If you understand English, press 1.
If you do not understand English, press 2.

"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.

What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.

Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference.
Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius."
Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!"
Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..."
Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."