Dirty jokes

Dirty jokes

My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.

Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?

Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.

I'm not saying you mother is a whore. But if her vagina was a video game it would be rated E for everyone

How do you get 4 gays on a barstool?
Turn it upside down.

Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. He went to the doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back. The elderly man came back the next day; the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. The doctor asked, "What was the problem?" The elderly man said, "Well, I tried with my right hand... nothing. I tried with my left hand... nothing. So my wife tried with her right hand... nothing. Her left hand... nothing. Her mouth... nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth... still nothing. The doctor replied, "Wait a minute, did you say your wife's friend too?!" The elderly man answered, "Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup."

What did one leg say to the other leg?
Look, shorty's growin' a beard.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.