Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Wife: "I'm pissed"
Husband: "Again or Still"

Girl: You spend way too much time on your x-box and never anytime with me :(
Boy: But i'm trying to achieve a new level
Girl: Hey gues what?!
Boy: What?
Girl: Level Achieved - SINGLE

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Doctor: Get married!
Man: Will it help?
Doctor: No, but the thought of long life will never come!!!

Wife:
"In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband:
"I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

An elderly couple are in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart.
What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"

A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replies, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"

"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
Always seems like a strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation with me.

you know you are a redneck when u got a girl's number at a family reunion

Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!