Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

A man went to the All Stars game with two front row seat tickets. He sat down and then another man asked him if the other chair was taken. The man said " no, it was supposed to be for my wife." The other man said " well where is she? And he said "she died two days ago" from a stroke. The other man said "well thats unfortunate, I'm so sorry for you. But should'nt you give this seat to another family members?" And the man said, "no they're all at the funeral"

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he would like a bottle of Christian Dior for his wife’s birthday.
“A little surprise eh?” said the clerk.
“You bet,” replied the man. “She is expecting a cruise.”

A man and wife are about to take a trip to Sidney Australia. The man goes up to the Southwest ticket counter and he buys one ticket. The ticket sales man ask the husband, "What about your wife?"

The husband replies, "You advertise, 'All Bags Fly Free'!"

For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.

Me and the wife went to marriage guidance.
They told us we should keep a diary of every time we have sex.
So far I’m winning 7 - 4.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Me: What do you call someone who isn't sure if they like egg nog or not?
Wife: What?
Me: An Eggnogstic.
Wife: This is grounds for divorce.

A husband is driving with her blonde wife, the husband says "Can you stick your head out the window if the blinker works?" T
hen the blonde sticks her head out the window and replies, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..".

Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.

Christmas time.
Valium and wine.
Children indulging in serious crime.
With dad on the weed and mum high on crack.
Christmas is magic when your family is black!