Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year."
"Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."

24

My wife said we need to sit down and talk about our future, and I was like,
'Yeah gonna be awesome! Flying Cars, Colonies on Mars!, Self fixing robots it's gonna be amazing!!'
Not what she meant, am now single.

1

I live like a medieval knight.
Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.

24

What was the last thing her husband said to her?
I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.

37

Who is the saddest grandma in the world?
Grandma of a vegan.

44

What do you throw to a drowning black man?
The rest of his family.

44

Johny has lately written a short email to his brother while asking him only one question in this email:
Hi brother, I am writing to you, I only would like to know, tell me:
How is your fianceé?
The Johny´s brother reply was only:
Hi John, her brother is doing well.

48

When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.

51

Father: In life you can never be certain about anything.
Son: Really dad, are you sure?
Father: I'm certain.

52