Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

; ; ; Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes ; ;

;

; }

Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”

My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house.
So I did - the middle one.

This couple had been going out together for quite a while and was thinking about getting married.
They finally decided to spend a night in a motel to see if they were sexually compatible.
The next morning he dropped her off at her apartment and he said,
"So long Lucy."
She said,
"Goodbye, Shorty."

A husband and wife are driving along when they see an injured skunk lying by the roadside.
They decide to take it to a vet but don’t have anything to carry it in.
‘Why not wrap it in your skirt?’ suggests the husband.
‘What about the stink?’ protests his wife.
Her husband replies, ‘It’ll just have to get used to it.’

A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet.

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: ‘If you were my husband I’d poison your brandy.’
Churchill: ‘If you were my wife I’d drink it.’

For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night.
She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie.
He says,
"I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out."
"Well, what do you think today?"
He says,
"I think I did a good job."

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”
“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

Wife: I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you, Dear?
Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500.00

Where does an Irish family go on holiday?
A different bar.

;

;}