Police, Policemen, Cops and Law Enforcement jokes

A sargeant bawled out a rookie.
"Did you watch all of the exits like I told you?"
"Yep," the rookie answered.
"I think he must have left by one of the entrances!

1

Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.

1

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”
“How should I know?” the man answers, “I’m not a lawyer!”

1

What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits home?
A search warren.

1

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

21

A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn.
The cop asked,
"Can you explain why you're out at this hour?"
"If I could," the drunk said,
"I'd be home by now!"

22

How is a police car like a women?
It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.

1

How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican? Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.

23

There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work.
The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat.
The brunette says:
"We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops."
As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde:
"So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies:
"Yes!"
The brunette says:
"Are they behind us?"
"Yes!"
"Are they close?"
"Yes!"
"Are they going to stop us?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies:
"Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...!

23

A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store.
"Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks.
The brunet hid in one that said CAT.
The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS.
When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said:
"Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other.
The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said:
"Meow!".
So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked:
"Woof!".
So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it.
The blonde cried out:
"Potatos!"

23

If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.

24

A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
"The cop!"

25

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
My dogs don't even own bikes.

29

What did the police do when 241 hares got loose?
They combed the area!

29

Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident?
Some dick cut her off.

34

An American lawyer invited a Czech friend to stay with him in his mountain cabin. Early in the morning, the lawyer and his Czech friend went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they were picking blueberries, along came two big Bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, climbed a tree.
His friend wasn't so lucky and the male bear caught him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer drove his car to town as fast has he could to get a policeman. The policeman took his gun and ran to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there. "He's in that one!" said the lawyer, pointing to the male.
The policeman looked at the bears, took careful aim with his gun, and shot the FEMALE.
"What did you do that for!" shouted the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"
"Exactly," answered the policeman. "Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"

41

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said,
"I've got to take you in, pal.
You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked,
"Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said,
"Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

42

Your nails are so long when you come around the corner the police arrested you for dangerous weapons.

51

Two men are in a car. One of them is a Mexican while the other is black. Who is driving the car?
The cops.

52