Jokes about Women

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Mary to Jill: ‘My last boyfriend said he fantasised about having two girls at once.
Jill: ‘Most men do. What did you tell him?’
Mary: ‘I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to рiss off another one?”’

2098

2

This morning I was beaten up by a вusтy woman in an elevator.
I was staring at воовs and she said "Press One please?"
So I did... I don't remember much after that.

1982

1

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

1363

0

A little boy and a little girl are in the bathtub together. The little girl looks down at the boy and asks:
"Can I touch it?"
"No way - you already broke yours off!"

559

2

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"

380

0

Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.
When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch.
Joe happily accepts.
After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert."
Joe happily accepts again.
When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar.
Joe asks what the dollar is all about.
The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him, give him a dollar. The lunch was my idea."

375

0

My girlfriend is sooo smart!
I called her from my friend's phone and she said
"What's up honey?"
She already knew i am on the other side

353

0

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
"Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

346

0

"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.

333

0

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirтy, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

287

1

Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

248

0

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is.
If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.

241

0

Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team.

158

0

"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."

142

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A survey was conducted by asking women of what they thought of their аss.
85% of women said that they thought that their аss was too big.
10% of women said that they thought that their аss was too small.
5% of women said that they would marry him again.

138

0

What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.

131

0

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."

123

0

A 90 year old women goes to the doctor.
- Dr, I can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more.
- Well take these pills every day and come back in a week.
...
- Dr, what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well!
- Oh very well, now about your hearing...

120

0