Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

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Доктора: - Жив сте по някакво чудо божие! Il medico al convalescente: "Lei deve la sua guarigione alla robustezza della sua costituzione..." "Davvero? Allora a lei non devo niente!"
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Two small boys met during their first day at school. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy Kaksi alle kouluikäistä poikaa Deux enfants à l’école : - Moi mon père
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Зъболекарят: На заболекар: Zahnarzt zum Patienten: "Das kann jetzt ein bisschen weh tun." Patient: "Kein Problem" Zahnarzt: "Ich habe seit 3 Jahren ein Verhältnis mit Ihrer Frau."
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Un uomo si confida con un amico: "Sai sono stato dal quel famoso specialista
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Gassy Granny Blähungen Отива един при лекаря. Една старица отива на лекар. Той я пита какъв е проблема и. Старата жена казва: Баба отива на лекар. This little old lady goes to the doctor and says “Dottore Un'anziana signora si reca del medico per cercare di risolvere un problema. "Dottore ho un problema di gas intestinali. La cosa non mi dà poi così fastidio Kommt eine ältere Dame zum Arzt und sagt: "Sie Una vieja va al médico para atenderse: - Doctor En gammal man går till doktorn med en pinsam åkomma. – Jag släpper väder hela tiden. Det luktar inte och det låter ingenting Een klein oud vrouwtje gaat naar de dokter en zegt: "Dokter An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it Um senhora bem velhinha vai ao médico e diz: — Doutor Um velhinho foi ao médico e chegando lá
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Große Löcher in den Zähnen - Господи Der Zahnarzt: Зъболекар - Avatkaa suunne
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- Докторе - Доктор
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Маж со сериозен проблем со машкоста Το ...μόριο - Разбира се - Не се смейте! - казал пациентът на доктора. — A senhora jura que não vai rir? — perguntou o paciente japonês à médica urologista. — Claro que sim! — respondeu exaltada. — Sou uma profissional da saúde. Existe um código de ética em questão. Em mais de 20 anos de profissão nunca ri de nenhum paciente! — Tudo bem En patient kommer till den manlige läkaren och säger: - Lova att inte skratta. - Naturligtvis. Jag har jobbat som läkare i 20 år och har aldrig skrattat åt en patient. Patienten tar då av sig... Przychodzi facet do lekarza i mówi: - Proszę pana Доаѓа маж на лекар и му вели: - Докторе A guy goes to see a doctor who asks him
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Приходит мужик к врачу: Отива мъж при доктора: - Докторе Безработен инженер дълго търсел работа и решил да отвори частна клиника. Обявата Finalmente laureato Un marocain vient en France et décide d’ouvrir une clinique Um médico chinês não consegue encontrar um emprego em hospitais no Brasil
A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts up a sign outside:
'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of taste.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.'
Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is kerosene.'
Chinese: 'Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.'
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.'
Lawyer (annoyed): 'This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.'
Chinese: 'Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.'
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: 'My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all.'
Chinese: 'Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100.'
Lawyer (staring at the note): 'But this is $20, not $100!!'
Chinese: 'Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20'
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My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ..... Smiled and said, "He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week".
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .......... You could learn a lot from him".
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,"That's once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one".
I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same соw".
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say I should eventually make a full recovery.
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Ο καουμπόυ Седи си един каубой в бара и си порка. Каубой стои на бара. A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat. Een oude cowboy zit aan de bar een biertje te drinken. Er komt een mooie jonge vrouw naast hem zitten en zij vraagt hem: "Bent u een echte cowboy?" "Wel Entra naquele bar do Texas An old cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee Egy cowboy bent iszogat a bárban Fragt eine Frau in einer Bar einen Cowboy: "Sind Sie ein echter Cowboy?" - "Yes Sjedi kauboj u birtiji i prilazi mu lezbijka: Kauboj: - "Ko si ti?" "Lezbijka." "Šta ti to znači?" "Po čitav dan mislim na žene i kad jedem mislim na žene i kad pijem mislim na žene i kad se... Un vieux cowboy Bemegy egy cowboykalapos Un cowboy batran a intrat intr-un bar si comanda o cafea. Pe cand isi bea cafeaua
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy..'
She said, 'I'm a lеsвiаn. I spend my whole day thinking about nакеd women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about nакеd women. When I shower, I think about nакеd women. When I watch TV, I think about nакеd women. It seems everything makes me think of nакеd women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lеsвiаn.'
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An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.
"Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" No response.
So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
"Dамn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!"
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