Jokes about Africa

A group of tourists in Africa were enjoying a guided tour into bush country to observe the wild life. The guide announced, “Don’t be surprised if you see an elephant wearing sunglasses.”

One of the tourists asked why an elephant would be wearing sunglasses. The guide answered, "Well, they do this to so they can go unnoticed at the beach."

The tourist then said, "That’s preposterous! My hotel is on the beach and I’ve never seen an elephant."

The guide replied, "I guess it works."

0 0

I just read about this terrible thing that goes on in parts of the world, parts of west Africa and parts of the Middle East. A woman turns of age -- as a ritual, they cut off her сliтоris: genital mutilation. This is awful. I heard about this, I thought, 'Oh my God, no matter how much I complain about our country, I should be thankful this will never be a ritual here 'cause the men here don't know where the сliтоris is.'

0 0

Jokes about Women God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes

HOW DO YOU CAUSE A RAVE IN AFRICA ?
STICK SOME TOAST TO THE CEILING

0 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
“Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
“Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father,
“Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
A young son asked,
“Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.”
Then there was a woman who said,
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.”
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say - talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
” A Woman’s Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death “

0 0

Africa Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes Single People Jokes

A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he gave his wife a magic dildо before he left. The reason it was called a magic dildо was because no matter where the wife was all she would have to do is say, "magic dildо" and then the place she wanted the magic dildо to be and it would appear there.
Well a week after her husband left the wife decided to give the magic dildо a try. She left it in the garage and then went up into her bed and said, "magic dildо, vаginа." Instantly it appeared where it was called and satisfied the wife. The wife was very excited about her magic dildо and started to use it every where. She called to it at work when no one was looking, in the wooded part of the park, at the movie theater, when she was dancing, everywhere. No matter where she was it would appear and make her squirm with pleasure.
One day on her way to work the wife hit bad traffic. She looked up ahead and saw there was an accident and realized it would be a while and decided to call the magic dildо. The wife was feeling really confident and called out "magic dildо, vаginа." She became overwhelmed and hit the accelerator slamming into the car in front of her. As it turned out that car was a cop.
The cop came up to the car seeing the woman squirming and suspected she was on drugs.
"Get out of the car now and put your hands on the hood!" The wife tried to comply but ended up just falling to the pavement. The officer was quite alright and asked the wife what she was on. The wife told him "Officer I'm not on any drugs, my husband gave me a magic dildо and its causing me to loose control!"
The officer, not buying it, simply replied "Magic dildо, my аss."

0 0

Africa Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes

Just met a really hot girl who was from a tribe in South Africa, we just clicked.

0 0

Africa Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Q: why do all the niggеrs in Africa run so fast?
A: cause the Lions ate all the slow ones!

0 0

Africa Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

J ohn came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his friend Mark, and told him of his adventures. “I was out in the jungle,” he said, “when all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me. Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops, and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit.
The lion started gaining on me, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away, and made towards it.
As I got close to the house, the lion was almost on top of me, when he slipped for a third time. With the very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion’s face.”
“That’s some story there, John, I would have messed my pants.”
“Well, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LION KEPT SLIPPING ON…???”

0 0

Africa Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes American Presidents Humor

Маsтurватing makes your diск smaller. Don't believe me? Asians have really fast internet. Africa doesn't.

0 0

Africa Jokes Dirty jokes Internet Jokes Masturbation jokes

Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to its oldest member.
They ask him to tell his favorite hunting story, and he agrees.
“Well, back in 1944 in Africa,” the old man starts, “we went big-game hunting. Didn’t have much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting by a tree when I heard a noise. Next thing I know the biggest lion I’ve ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this…RO-A-A-R-R-R! Well, I just shiт my pants.”
The young men are amazed.
One of them says, “I don’t blame you. I’d сrар my pants too if a lion jumped at me like that!”
The old man shakes his head and says, “No, no, not then-just now when I said roar!”

0 0

Africa Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes American Presidents Humor

Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse Now we have a native animal in Africa called the giraffe

0 0

Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Africa Jokes

Only if they had more mosquito nets in Africa.
We would be able to save millions of mosquitos from dying horribly from НIV.

57 0

Africa Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Herds of elephants from all over Africa were summoned to a meeting in the jungle, as their national leader took his place on the stage, one of the African elephants trumpeted impatiently: “Come on, tell us what this is all about. We’re all ears.”

0 0

Nationality Jokes Animal Jokes Africa Jokes American Presidents Humor

The other day I'm driving down the freeway in L.A., I cut a guy off by accident. This guy goes out of his way to weave through traffic, gets right up next to me and goes, 'Hey pal, why don't you go back to Africa?' You know, like there's a bridge at the end of the 10 freeway.

0 0

Nationality Jokes Africa Jokes

What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
HIV.

0 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes

My friend told me he wanted to see Africa and experience seeing people of a different skin color... Later, I had to tell him KFC didn't count as a place.

0 0

Friendship Jokes Africa Jokes Communication Jokes

I hear that McDonald’s has branches in Africa now.
The customers must prefer them to tables and chairs.

0 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes

Oscar Pistorius has now understood the enormity of his сriме and has learned after this terrible ordeal.
Next time he wants to кill a woman in South Africa, make sure she’s black.

0 0

Jokes about Women Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Africa Jokes

Bono is at a U2 concert when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone… “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”
A voice from near the front pierces the silence… “Well, fсuкing stop it then you Сunт!!”

0 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes

There were two strangers sitting in a bar, one says to the other. "Psst, wanna see somethin'?" The other man shrugged and agreed. The first man pointed to an object covered by a cloth. "Look under that cloth but DO NOT take it off. So the man walks over to the object that is quite large and peeks under it. However, when he saw what was under it he screamed and accidentally pulled the cloth off. It was a one eyed purple monster! The man was so scared he took off in his car. The monster was hot on his trail. He drove to the airport and on the plane he felt safe but he looked into the ocean and the monster was swimming after him to Africa! When he got there he ran off the plane without his luggage. He couldn't run anymore and the monster was coming closer. He could feel it's hot breath. He stopped and the monsters big hand reached down. The man knew this was his last day when he heard in a growling voice as an impact hit him, YOUR IT! And the monster ran away.

0 0

Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Africa Jokes Aviation Jokes

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passed

0 0

Dark Humor Jokes Africa Jokes

They say money is the root of all evil which is why I never give any money to Africa. They have enough problems already.

0 0

Money jokes Political Jokes Africa Jokes

The sound of people eating irritates the shiт out of me.
So I moved to Africa.

0 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes

There was this group on Facebook called ‘Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat’.
So I became a fаn.

0 0

Facebook Jokes Africa Jokes

When visiting South Africa, Daniel the Englishman asked a South African the question:
"Why is it that some South Africans say 'Ja' (pronounced as "ya") while others say 'Yes' if they have the same meanings?"
"Clever people say 'Yes' while sтuрid people say 'Ja'," was his reply.
"So, are you clever?" asked Daniel.
"Ja," replied the South African.

0 0

Africa Jokes

Shrien Dewani’s trial has collapsed in South Africa and tonight he’s a free man…
Although if you ask me, he’s been a free man since the night his wife was shot dead.

0 0

Men jokes Criminal Jokes Africa Jokes

Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives.
One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe.
He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary’s the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the “main course” at dinner that night.
“Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief,” says the Missionary, “you’re jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and how there’s one black one amongst them.”
The Chief thinks for a moment, “OK!” says the Chief, “You say nothing, and I say nothing.”

0 0

Religion jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Boss Jokes

Just read about those poor primitive people in Africa who believe Ebola isn’t an illness but a curse placed upon them by evil spirits.
Such a shame they can’t see through that mumbo jumbo and superstition like us in the West.
I’ll pray for them at mass on Sunday.

0 0

Africa Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

‘Teen held for rаре in South Africa’
No shiт. How else are you supposed to rаре them?

0 0

Criminal Jokes Africa Jokes

“A wise man fills his brain before emptying his mouth.”
African Proverb

1 0

Africa Jokes Funny proverbs