A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the'fires'.NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail... And a $24,000 fine.
.......... ONLY IN AMERICA!
1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer).
2. (On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." - Bruce Willis
3. "And God said: 'Let there be Sатаn, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Sатаn.'" - George Burns
4. "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" - Sandra Bullock
5. "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sеxuаl mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sеx with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'" -Jason Alexander (from Seinfeld)
6. "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." -Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner 1996)
7. "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." - Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
8. "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." - Dan Rather (News anchorman)
9. "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
10. "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." - Courtney Соx (Monica on "Friends")
11. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods
12. "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
13. "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
14. "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gаy dungeon-master." - Rev. Jesse Jackson
15. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-вiтсh." - Jack Nicholson
"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"
So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy.
The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"
The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason.
The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?"
The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any ваlls. You must be a lawyer."
Washington state attorney season and bag limits 1300.
01 GENERAL
1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to use сосаinе, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gаy bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, рiмр, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, воокiе, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
BAG LIMITS
1.Yellow Bellied Sidewinder2
2.Two-faced Tort Feasor3
3.Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator5
4.Big-mouthed Pub Gut2
5.Honest AttorneyEXTINCT
6.Cut-throat2
7.Back-stabbing Whiner2
8.Brown-nosed Judge Kisser2
9.Silver-tongued Drug Defender$100 bounty