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Вицове за Филми и Актьори English Filmwitze, Film-Witze, Lustige... Español Анекдоты про Фильмы Blagues cinéma Barzellette film, Barzellette ... Ελληνικά Македонски Türkçe Українська Português Dowcipy i kawały: Film, aktorz... Film skämt Nederlands Dansk Norsk Elokuva vitsit, Elokuvat Film viccek Bancuri cu Actori, Filme Čeština Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
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Movie jokes

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Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles. Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, as long as they among the most famous.
"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."
"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."
"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. "I'd like to play him."
Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"
Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."
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What We Learn From the Movies:
- It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
- Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
- After a person suffers a massive вlоw to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
- Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
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MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED:
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!
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"50 нюанса на сивото" е романтичен само защото момчето е милиардер.
Fifty shades of gray is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire.
If he was living in a trailer, it would be "Criminal minds" episode.
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Когато Чък Норис се пошегува с жената на Уил Смит
When Chuck Norris tells a joke about Will Smith's wife, Will Smith slaps himself
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Cage against the machine
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WTF
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Tom Waits Jeremy Irons
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Matt Damon So much fuching money
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Van Damme
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One of the best actors in the world and Jason Statham
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Spiderman
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So, you're not a Terminator anymore? Negative. I retired. Now I kill bugs. I am a ex-Terminator
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The main difference between Gandalf the grey & Gandalf the White
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The villains that Captain Jack Sparrow defeated
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If Middle Earth had hair dye... Th'Oreal T'htandeal
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Чета "Властелинът на пръстените". Явно Голъм някога е бил нормален мъж
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...
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Work hard, until you don't need to introduce yourself
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