Newest jokes

A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says:
"Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him:
"Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says:
"Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies:
"I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."

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Jokes | Animal Jokes | Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.

22

Jokes | Animal Jokes | Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris were an Adam's Apple, he'd be in your throat right now.

22

Food Jokes | Chuck Norris

When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken.
It´s Chuck Norris´s leg.
He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.

22

Jokes | Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke | Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has nicknames for his feet... Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

22

Jokes | Chuck Norris

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink.
When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

22

Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes

Why did the basketball player go to jail?
"Because he shot the ball!"

22

Jokes | Sports Jokes | Prison jokes, Prisoner Jokes

Hip-Hop is dead because of Chuck Norris.

22

Jokes | Chuck Norris | Music jokes, Musician Jokes

Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?
To keep the swelling down.

22

Men-Women jokes | Men jokes | Stupid / Dumb Jokes