Last words of a skydiver?

Oh crap, those annoying clothes moths!!!

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”

Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

I have a very good feeling about my job interview today. The manager said they were looking for somebody responsible.

“You’ve found your man,” I responded, “whenever there was a problem in my last job, they always said that I was responsible!”

Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?

- And more importantly, where is my hamster?

At an interview:

“In the beginning, you’ll be earning 20 000, later on it can go up to 40 000.”
“OK, I’ll come again later then.”