Dog jokes

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Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him...
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

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My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.
She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

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"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?”
“You’re not fooling me dad, a chair!”
“Not this time, your dog died.”

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Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates
They will кill your dog

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I need to re-home a dog.
It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

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I'll never forget my dog's last words
"You've taken too much acid."

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Drug-sniffing dog
Me:
"Sweet dog you got there"
Policeman:
"Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me:
"Still in training, huh?"
Policeman:
"What do you mean?"
Me:
"Nevermind"

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I bought my wife a Pug as a present.
Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fат, the dog seems to like her.

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I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’
So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

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I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat.
She said it rang a веll, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

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My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with?
A dog, dogs eat meat

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I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat
The librarian said "That rings a веll but I don't know if it's here or not."

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This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.
It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.

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Courtesy of my 6 year old - Where did fozzy bear take his dog?
For a walka walka walka

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I have a dog with no legs called Cigarette.
Every day, I take Cigarette out for a drag.

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Me: *petting a dog* Aww! He probably smells my dog!
Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs.
Me: *sigh* Yeah... my dog has a real problem.

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Roscoe, i'm stuck! Go get help!! Attaboy! What's this? A weight watchers brochure?!!

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