Computers

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Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

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Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking вiтсhеs!

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A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final inspection.

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Why use Linux:
No Windows, no Gates, no Bill to pay.

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I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it. Now I have two problems.

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Warning!
User Error.
Kindly replace user and press a key to continue.

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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you. You have my Word.

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A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home?
1st kid says, "A computer." Teacher replies "That'd be very useful"
2nd kid says "A new lawn mower." Teacher replies with a similar response...
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don"t need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something... Little Johnny replies, "Nope, i'm sure of it. Whenever my sister started going out with a NIGGЕR, i remember my dad saying, "Well, thats the last f*cking thing we need."

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I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company.
One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh.
The procedure required him to delete an old file.
On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted.
I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash.
Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash."
Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."

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90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.

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If the box says: "This software requires Windows XP or better"
Does that mean it'll run on Linux?

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Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.

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Your Momma is so fат, she takes her picture with Google Earth.

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Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women?
A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.

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Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
A: Lynx

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On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.

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The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!

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Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

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