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Latest Jokes

Wife asked me to knock something up in the kitchen… the housemaid is now pregnant.

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Dirty jokes

Can’t believe my website which teaches children how to play guitar has now been blocked by Google and removed from the search results to prevent child abuse… On reflection maybe naming my website fingeringkids. Com was a bad idea.

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Dirty jokes

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, “Where are you going?” He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”
And she said, “Why? Are you sick?”
“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viаgrа pills.”
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”
She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”
He said, “Why?”
She said, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A man goes to see his doctor. When he sits down the examining room, he has a green bean in each nostril, a carrot in one ear and a zucchini in the other.
He says, “Doc, I don’t feel well.”
The doctor looks and him and replies, “That's because you’re not eating well.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A girl asks her doctor, “how many calories are there in сuм?” the doctor replies, “Don’t worry, if you swallow, nobody will care if you are fат.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes

I'm really busy next week, I have two back to back appointments with my chiropractor on Wednesday...
I fired him once, but I took him back!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Guy goes to see his doctor for an annual medical exam.
“Doc,” he says. “Give it to me straight.”
“OK,” says the doctor. “You need to quit pulling your pud.”
“What?” says the guy quite astonished. “Give me one good reason why I need to do that?”
“Well, for one, I am trying to conduct an exam here.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

My girlfriend wanted to try “doctor and patient” roleplay. …
But things went awry from the start when I said:
“Hello! I’m your dietitian.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Fat Jokes

They used to say ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’ but now most of the doctors are Muslim I find bacon works better.

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Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A very wise woman once said:
Nothing.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

When a woman вrеаsт feeds in public it's called natural, but when I do it, the woman calls the cops.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

I met this attractive woman at a bar and asked her what she did for a living. She told me she was a brain surgeon and I was impressed because most women can't pull off sarcasm.

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Jokes about Women

Heard about the two blondes who were found starving and freezing to death at the drive inn?
They thought closed for winter was a movie.

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Blonde Jokes

A sеxy blonde goes to the doctor and says,
“Oh doctor, it’s awful, every time I hear a Jim Carrey quote, I get so hоrny that I rip my clothes off and fсuк the nearest thing to me!”
Doctor replies, “Re-he-eeeeallllllllly?”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

It was very crowded and noise in this Restaurant and this blond girl asks the waiter where the restroom was. And he says:
- I can’t hear you! So she gets close to his ear and asks again:
- Can you please tell me where the ladies room is? And he replies:
- On the other side! So she turns around and gets close to his other ear, and asks:
- Can you please tell me where the ladies room is, please!
And he answers:
- On the other side!

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Blonde Jokes

I’ll never forget the first time I had sеx. It helps that I still have the receipt.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Last week while driving at a red light 2 drop dead gorgeous girls started to wash my windows with there вrеаsтs, after they asked-not for a tip but if I could give them a ride, I agreed they both got into the backseat and started having sеx with each other then one of them jumped into the front seat and performed оrаl sеx on me while the other stole my wallet… My wallet got stolen last Wednesday, Thursday , twice on Saturday yesterday and probably tomorrow…

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

I went to my local cafe today for lunch and apologized to the waitress for bringing my pet goat.
She said it's OK today but it won't be allowed in future.
She asked me what I would like for lunch, I said "steak with fries and the Kid Special."

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

My mom's a teacher, so she was real strict with me and my brother. She was like, 'Look, don't drink and don't do drugs and don't sleep around.' And then, one day it was like she changed her mind about everything. She said, 'You're going to college.'

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Kids Jokes

Student: can I use the bathroom?
Substitute: I don't know can you?
Student I don't know can you get a full time job?!?

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Insult Jokes