Latest Jokes

A  young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying.
So the husband inquires “What’s wrong Honey?”
“Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast but I can’t cook or clean.”
The husband smiles his biggest smile and says “There, there sweetie! I don’t care that you can’t cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I’ll show you what I’d like for breakfast”.
So off they went to the bedroom.
That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. “What’s wrong now Sweetie?”
“Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can’t cook”
Again the husband smiles and says “Why don’t you come back up to the bedroom and I’ll have my lunch there!”
So off they went to the bedroom again.
That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride sliding down the banister of the stairs nакеd. Up she runs, and WHOOSHdown the banister.
After the third trip the husband asks “What the heck are you doing honey?” to which the new bride replies “Warming up your supper!
Marriage and Family Jokes
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat’, agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbor’s were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his еrестiоn and he will be able to withdraw..”
“Do you think that will work?” she asked.
“Just worked on me,” he replied.
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