Newest jokes - Page 2880

"Diск Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78 year old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent." -- Jay Leno

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A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail.
But his lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.

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Lawyer Jokes

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps out of bed and says 'I've had enough of this,' and she goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
The blonde says 'I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!'

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Blonde Jokes Dog jokes

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said,
"It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said,
"Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"
He said,
"Why,... Yes I am!"
So they went to his place and when they were in bed, sсrеwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered,
"Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already sсrеwing someone!"

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Lawyer Jokes

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Lawyer Jokes

One day a blonde and Brunette where out for a drive in the Blonde's new car.
Suddenly, some jеrк pulled out in front of them.
The Blonde then put her lips to the steering wheel.
The Brunette fearing for her life, but had the courage to ask, "What the hеll are you doing that for?"
The Blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to вlоw the horn."

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house.
She goes up to the house, rings the веll and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do.
The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says,
"Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says,
"$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says,
"All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."

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Blonde Jokes

Why do blondes have triangular coffins? A: Every time their head hits the pillow their legs spread.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg?
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A taxi driver in a Mercedes-Benz picked up a blonde woman at the airport one day. When she got in and they started on their way she enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for. In a jovial mood, the driver replied "Well, it's for lining it up at people, so you can run them down". "Ah I see", said the woman. With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman, but at the last second swerves away. A loud ваng startles him and he looks curiously over at his passenger who appears to be hanging out of the car with the door wide open:
"I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!"

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Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes

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Russia-Ukraine war jokes

This is the last joke of the day, but not the last “fun” thing I will post to my blog. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde worked as office assistants for Mrs. Jessell. They realized that Mrs. Jessell was leaving work early every day, so one day they decided that when she left early, they'd sneak out a few minutes later. Minutes after Mrs. Jessell left, they all did the same. The brunette took a nap. The redhead got ready for a date. The blonde went over to her boyfriends house. When she walked in, she saw Mrs. Jessell and her boyfriend smooching on the couch. She backed out the door without them noticing her, feeling very shaky. The next afternoon, after Mrs. Jessell left work early, the brunette and redhead said they were going to go home as well. But the still shaky blond decided to stay behind. “Why?” they asked her. “Because,” she replied, “yesterday I almost got caught.”

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Blonde Jokes

Why are blondes constantly running out of ice? A: They forgot the recipe.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A lawyer is settling accounts with his client.
"Let's do it this way," he says,
"Pay me $5000 now and then $400 a month."
"Gee," the client says,
"I feel like I'm paying for a car."
Lawyer replies,
"You are! And it's a nice one too."

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? Double-dumb. Submitted by CalamjoEdited by Curtis

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A very well-dressed and dignified lawyer called a plumber to fix his flooded bathroom. When the plumber arrived, he was carrying an extra set of overalls. The dapper, impeccably groomed and expensively dressed lawyer smirked in a condescending way and said:
"Do you usually need a change of OVERALLS?!"
The plumber just smiled. When he was done the plumber gave him the bill, and told him he had to get some more equipment from his truck. He explained that he needed a new assistant because of all the work and was short-handed.
When the plumber returned, he entered the lawyer's office and there in the garbage can were the lawyer's mirror-polished Brooks Brothers captoe shoes, with the black silk socks rolled up and tucked neatly inside.
On the floor was the hand-tailored $2,000 Armani pinstriped business suit the lawyer had been wearing, as well as the natty Hermes silk tie, monogrammed gold cufflinks, starched white shirt, silver tiepin and Rolex. His law degree and briefcase were also piled up next to them.
The plumber went in and there was the lawyer in overalls, lying under the sink with his bare feet sticking out. The lawyer looked out, with sweat streaming down his hundred dollar haircut. He pointed at the bill and said,
"You found your assistant."

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Lawyer Jokes

A man who was chosen for jury duty really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said,
"I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"
With a tired annoyance the judge replied:
"Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."

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Lawyer Jokes

At a press conference the Brunettes announce they are going to make a trip to the Moon.
The Redheads speak up "That's been done before, we're going to go to Mars".
The Blondes speak up "That's nothing, we're going to be the first people to go to the Sun".
One of the reporters says "Don't you idiots know that you'll burn up?"
The Blondes say "NO WE WON'T; WE'RE GOING TO GO AT NIGHT!"

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Blonde Jokes

What does a blonde have in common with a noodle? A: They both wiggle when you eat them.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What do you call an honest lawyer? A: An impossibility. Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with another lawyer? A: Nothing. There are some things that not even nature can permit. Q: Why didn't the circus clown feel so bad about his career? A: At least he wasn't a lawyer. Q: What is the difference between pigs and lawyers? A: You can learn to respect a pig. Q: What is the difference between baseball and law? A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out. Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. Q: Why didn't the doctor (any other profession) pay the rent on his outhouse? A: He didn't like the lawyer living downstairs. Q: Who do lawyers never take their cats to the beach? A: Their cats keep trying to bury them with sand. Q: What does a lawyer and a sреrм have in common? A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being. Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

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