Alexa jokes

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Q: Alexa, what do you want for Christmas?
A: To watch Die Hard with Captain Picard would be a dream.

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Q: Alexa, drum roll, please.
A: OK. (Alexa then plays audio of an actual drumroll.)

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Q: Alexa, your mother was a hamster.
A: Well, your father smells of elderberries. Now go away before I taunt you a second time.

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Q: Alexa, what is the value of pi?
A: The approximate value of pi is 3.141592653589 … (Alexa will go on for a bit, then make a joke, such as “phew!” or “this thing goes on forever!”)

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Q: Alexa, I’ve got 99 problems.
A: But a glitch ain’t one!

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Q: Alexa, are you blue?
A: Only my light ring. Only my light ring.

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Q: Alexa, surely you can’t be serious?
A: I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley. (Answers vary widely on this one.)

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Q: Alexa, will you be my girlfriend?
A: I like you … as a friend.

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Q: Alexa, how much do you weigh?
A: I am weightless, like a cloud. Wait a minute, clouds actually weigh a lot, so that’s not quite right. Let’s just say I’m more sass than mass.

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Q: Alexa, can you give me some money?
A: Thing about the cloud is, no pockets. No pocket, no wallet. (Answers vary.)

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Q: Alexa, is your refrigerator running?
A: Yes. It’s training for a 5K. (Answers vary.)

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Q: Alexa, do you like pizza?
A: While I appreciate great food and drink, my good taste is better reflected in the company I keep.

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Q: Alexa, what do you think about Cortana?
A: I like Cortana. We both have experience with light rings, although hers is more of a Halo.

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Q: Alexa, do you know Siri?
A: Only by reputation. (Ouch)

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Q: Alexa, do you know the muffin man?
A: I’ve never met him, but I do know his sister, Madame Macaroon. She’s a little bit nutty, but sweet.

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Q: Alexa, find Chuck Norris.
A: If Chuck Norris wants you to know where he is, he’ll find you. If he doesn’t, you won’t know until it’s too late.

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Q: Alexa, tell me a “yo mama” joke.
A: Your mother’s so cool, Beyonce made her a glass of lemonade. (And other uplifting jokes about how amazing your mother is …)

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Q: Alexa, how high can you count?
A: I don’t know. I’d give it a go, but you’d be very bored by the time I finished. (Responses vary; all are snarky.)

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