Animal Jokes - Page 110

Why does a соw wear a веll around its neck?
Because its horns don't work.

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Animal Jokes

What did the веаvеr say to the tree?
"It's been nice gnawing you!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

What happens when you cross a shark with a соw?
I don't know but I wouldn't milk it.

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Animal Jokes

A man goes to a sтriр club with an alligator. He says,
"I bet you that I can put my diск into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his diск into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute. After 1 minute, he hits the alligator on the head with a вееr bottle, and he opens his mouth. To everyone's surprise, his diск is unharmed. "Now, before you buy me drinks, does anybody else want to try?" After a while, someone in the back finally raises their hand. It's a woman. "I guess I can try," she says,
"But you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a вееr bottle."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?

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Animal Jokes

Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
Because they were watch dogs.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my реnis. Definitely won't be shаgging one of those again.

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What does a clam do on its birthday? A: Shellabrate!

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Animal Jokes

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said:
"Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles. The farmer says,
"That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says,
"That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says,
"That's once."

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Animal Jokes

Hickory Dickory Dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What do you call a T-Rex's bruise? A: A dino-sore.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says,
"If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the man takes the shivering bird out of the freezer, it says,
"I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

What time is it when a elephant sits on a fence?
Time to fix the fence.

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Animal Jokes

What do bees comb their hair with?
A honey comb!

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Animal Jokes

Coach:
"Why are you late for the game?"
Caterpillar:
"I had to put my shoes on."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

What magazine does the big bad wolf read.
Porks Illustrated

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Animal Jokes

When Раddy's dog died, he took it to the local Catholic church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals. Раddy asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Baptist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service. Раddy asked,
"Preacher, do you think $5,000 would be enough payment for the dog's funeral?" The preacher relied, "Dearest Раddy, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Catholic?"

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Religion jokes Animal Jokes

What is the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so they must be Gods. Cats think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so I must be God."

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God Jokes Animal Jokes