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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said:
"Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles. The farmer says,
"That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says,
"That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says,
"That's once."

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Animal Jokes

Hickory Dickory Dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What do you call a T-Rex's bruise? A: A dino-sore.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says,
"If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the man takes the shivering bird out of the freezer, it says,
"I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

What time is it when a elephant sits on a fence?
Time to fix the fence.

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Animal Jokes

What do bees comb their hair with?
A honey comb!

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Animal Jokes

Coach:
"Why are you late for the game?"
Caterpillar:
"I had to put my shoes on."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

What magazine does the big bad wolf read.
Porks Illustrated

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Animal Jokes

When Раddy's dog died, he took it to the local Catholic church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals. Раddy asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Baptist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service. Раddy asked,
"Preacher, do you think $5,000 would be enough payment for the dog's funeral?" The preacher relied, "Dearest Раddy, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Catholic?"

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Religion jokes Animal Jokes

What is the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so they must be Gods. Cats think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so I must be God."

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God Jokes Animal Jokes

Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What says "Eoo?"
A соw with no lips.

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Animal Jokes

What do you do with a dog that doesn’t have any legs? You take him for a drag.

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Animal Jokes

Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York City. Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"

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Animal Jokes

Where do cows go on friday night?
To the MOOOOOvies

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Animal Jokes

Where do sharks go on their holidays?
Finland.

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Animal Jokes

Why are frogs so happy? A Because they eat everything that bugs them.

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Animal Jokes

A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said,
"I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What do you call a man attacked by a cat?
Claude.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes