Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A мidgет with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the мidgет says,
"I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the мidgет says,
"I'd like to sthee its тwат."
"Excuse me?" says the farmer. The мidgет says,
"I'd like to sthee its тwат." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's тwат. The мidgет's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The мidgет looks at the farmer and says,
"I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."

0 0

Animal Jokes

A bear walks into a bar. He says,
"I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic." The bartender says,
"Sure, but what about the big pause?" The bear says,
"I was born with them."

0 0

Animal Jokes

What do you call a bear that is cold? A: A burr.

0 0

Animal Jokes

A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said,
"Excuse me. I have a bee in my soup." The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"

0 0

Animal Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What disease do elderly dinosaurs get? Jurassic Parkinsons.

0 0

Animal Jokes

An old woman walks into a butcher shop and asks for a New Mexico duck. The butcher grabs the nearest duck and hands it to the old lady. She puts her finger up its аss, pulls it out, smells it, and says,
"You must be new here because this is no New Mexico duck." The butcher replies,
"Yep, I am new here." The old lady comes back with, "Well, where are you from?" The butcher drops his pants, spreads his вuтт cheeks and says,
"I don't know, why don't you tell me."

0 0

Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

Yo momma's so fат, when she went to the zoo, elephants began throwing peanuts at her.

0 0

Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

A man's big rottweiler has been losing its vision, so the owner brings the dog to the vet. The veterinarian picks the dog up and says,
"I will have to put him down." The owner asks, "Why? Because he's blind?" The vet replies,
"No, he's heavy. I need to put him down."

0 0

Animal Jokes Men jokes

What do you give a pig who wins a medal at the Olympic games?
A pork medallion.

0 0

Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

NASA put a bunch of cows into orbit. They call it the herd shot round the world.

0 0

Animal Jokes

Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher then the average house due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump?

0 0

Animal Jokes

Why are worms great at poker? They have five hearts.

0 0

Animal Jokes

How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end smiles.

0 0

Animal Jokes

A bear is chasing a bunny when all of a sudden a djinni appears and grants them each three wishes. The bear, being very selfish, wishes that all the bears in his forest were female and instantly it is done. Then the bunny wishes he had a lifetime supply of carrots in his backyard. For his next turn, the bear wishes that all the other bears in his entire nation were female. The bunny wishes for a motorcycle. Finally on the last wish, the bear wishes that all the other bears on the whole earth were female. The bunny wishes that the bear was gаy and rides home on his motorcycle.

0 0

Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

There are 2 cats. The one two three cat and the un deux trois cat. They had a race across the English Channel. Which cat won? The one two three cat because the un deux trois cat cinq.

0 0

Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Want to hear a dirтy joke? The white horse fell in the mud.

0 0

Animal Jokes

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, sees a snail, then picks it up and chucks it as far as possible. Three years later, he hears a knock on his door, opens the door, and sees the same snail. The snail says,
"Hey man, what did you do that for?!"

0 0

Animal Jokes Men jokes

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, "I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!" The officer replied, "Why that's terrible. Did you get a good look at them?"
"No sir, it all happened so fast!"

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his monkey and tells the bartender, "What do you say you buy me a drink if I can get this monkey here to bl*w me?" The bartender agrees and the guy smacks his monkey upside his head. The monkey falls over, jumps up, pulls the guys thing out, and starts bl*wing. Another guy at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement and says,
"Hey, can I try that?!" The monkey owner says,
"Sure," and the other guy says,
"Okay, just don't hit me that hard."

0 0

Animal Jokes

What did the doctor say when a pony came in complaining about a sore throat? "I know what's wrong here; you're just a little hoarse!"

0 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes