Animal Jokes - Page 113

NASA put a bunch of cows into orbit. They call it the herd shot round the world.

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Animal Jokes

Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher then the average house due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump?

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Animal Jokes

Why are worms great at poker? They have five hearts.

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Animal Jokes

How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end smiles.

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Animal Jokes

A bear is chasing a bunny when all of a sudden a djinni appears and grants them each three wishes. The bear, being very selfish, wishes that all the bears in his forest were female and instantly it is done. Then the bunny wishes he had a lifetime supply of carrots in his backyard. For his next turn, the bear wishes that all the other bears in his entire nation were female. The bunny wishes for a motorcycle. Finally on the last wish, the bear wishes that all the other bears on the whole earth were female. The bunny wishes that the bear was gаy and rides home on his motorcycle.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

There are 2 cats. The one two three cat and the un deux trois cat. They had a race across the English Channel. Which cat won? The one two three cat because the un deux trois cat cinq.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Want to hear a dirтy joke? The white horse fell in the mud.

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Animal Jokes

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, sees a snail, then picks it up and chucks it as far as possible. Three years later, he hears a knock on his door, opens the door, and sees the same snail. The snail says,
"Hey man, what did you do that for?!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, "I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!" The officer replied, "Why that's terrible. Did you get a good look at them?"
"No sir, it all happened so fast!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his monkey and tells the bartender, "What do you say you buy me a drink if I can get this monkey here to bl*w me?" The bartender agrees and the guy smacks his monkey upside his head. The monkey falls over, jumps up, pulls the guys thing out, and starts bl*wing. Another guy at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement and says,
"Hey, can I try that?!" The monkey owner says,
"Sure," and the other guy says,
"Okay, just don't hit me that hard."

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Animal Jokes

What did the doctor say when a pony came in complaining about a sore throat? "I know what's wrong here; you're just a little hoarse!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

What happend when the duck fell upside-down? He quacked up!

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Animal Jokes

Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time, and reminds him to be still and keep quiet. An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" says Joe." Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me," says Steve, "and I was quiet when the fox attacked me, but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, 'Should we eat them now or take them with us?'"

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

What do you call a bulldog and shih tzu crossbreed?
Bullshit.

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Animal Jokes

A religious woman buys a parrot and takes it home. As soon as she gets the bird in its new cage, it starts hollering, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The lady is embarrassed and asks her minister if she should return the foul-mouthed bird. The minister suggests, "I have a well-behaved male parrot who sits in its cage and prays all day long. Perhaps if we put your bird in with mine, your bird will see the error of its ways and become more pious." The next day, the woman takes her parrot to the minister's house and puts her bird in with the praying parrot. After a few seconds, her parrot starts saying, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The priest's parrot replies,
"Come on in honey, that's what I've been praying for!"

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

Two flys are out on a date, so they go out on the town and see fresh dog роор on the side of the road. They rush down and start feasting, when one of the flies stops and has the biggest relieved face. The other fly asks, "Are you okay?" The fly responds with a squirmish smile and the other fly smells something funky and says,
"Dude, how rude! You fаrт while I'm eating!"

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Animal Jokes

Two doctors are on a golf course at the tenth hole. One of them looks up in the trees and sees an owl asleep on a branch. One doctor says to the other, "I'll bet you $100 I can give that owl a vasectomy and that owl won't even wake up." The other doctor says,
"You've got a bet." The first doctor climbs up the tree, does the operation, and comes down from the tree. The owl never wakes up. The second doctor, not to be outdone, says,
"I bet you the same that I can give that owl a tonsillectomy and he won't wake up." The second doctor climbs up the tree, does his operation, and the owl never wakes up. An hour later, the owl wakes up, flies to another tree, sees another owl and tells him, "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep in that tree by the tenth hole, because when I woke up after a nap, I couldn't hoot worth a fuск or fuск worth a hoot!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

There were three pigs. The first pig went to a bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The second pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The third pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, and was just going to leave. The bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom, the third little pig said, “No, I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home.”

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Animal Jokes

A man is attending a function in another village, riding a horse. As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing. He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is. "If I don't find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!" Suddenly, the horse appears. Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks, "What did you do when you lost your first horse?" He replies,
"I walked."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

Ladies... You can't wear animal print and be вiggеr than the animal.

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Animal Jokes