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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Jason gets off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocks on his blind date's door. She opens it and is very beautiful and charming. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she says. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog follows Jason onto the balcony and starts rolling over. John makes a hoop with his arms and Spot jumps through, over the balcony railing. Just then, Jason's date walks out. "Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replies,
"Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"

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Animal Jokes

To err is human. To forgive is also human. Actually, everything you do is human. Except for laying eggs. That's more of a bird thing.

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Animal Jokes

With sufficient тhrusт, pigs fly just fine.

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Animal Jokes

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says,
"We don't serve ducks here." The duck says,
"I'll pay you $20."
"Your money isn't good here."
"Then put it on my bill."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

If a соw poops in a fishtank with no fish in it, is it still a fishtank? Or is it now an entirely different entity?

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Animal Jokes

How do you put an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the "f" out of safe & the "f" out of way- wait, there's no "f" in way!

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Animal Jokes

Where does a соw go on vacation? A: An aMOOsement park.

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Animal Jokes

What do you call a bee which is always complaining? A grumble bee.

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Animal Jokes

What do dolphins have that no other mammals have? A: Baby dolphins.

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Animal Jokes

Life is like fighting a gorilla, you don't stop when you get tired, you stop when the gorilla does.

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Animal Jokes

What is the scariest type of dinosaur? A Terror-dactyle.

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Animal Jokes

One night a Deer, a Skunk and a Duck went out for dinner at a restaurant. When it came time to pay, the Skunk didn't have a scent, the Deer didn't have a buck, so they put it on the Duck's bill.

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Animal Jokes

What does a cheetah say when someone looks at it?
"I've been spotted!"

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Animal Jokes

Where do cows go to get some culture? A: The mooseum!

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Animal Jokes

Why is turtle wax so expensive? Because they have such small ears.

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Animal Jokes

There is a drunк guy in a bar and a big, fат woman with a parrot on her shoulder. She sits by the drunк guy and he looks over at her and says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says,
"I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says,
"Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Fat Jokes

What do you call a deaf dog?
It doesn't matter; it can't hear you.

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Animal Jokes

A bat came to his friends wit blood over his face his he ask his friends do you want to now were I get al dis blood his friends says yes and he dit go show and the bat says with the blood over his face do you see dat tree there his friends says yes yes yes He says I didn't see it

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur that sits on nails? A. Megasaurus (mega sore аss).

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Animal Jokes

A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor. The bartender says,
"Whats that a lyin' on the floor?" Another bargoer replies,
"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

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Animal Jokes