Friendship Jokes

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Aujourd'hui, j'ai envoyé un texto à tous mes amis pour leur dire que j'avais perdu mon téléphone et leur ai demandé de l'appeler pour moi. Ils ont tous appelé. J'ai besoin d'amis plus intelligents... Днес писах на всичките си приятели, че съм си загубил телефона и ги помолих да ми се обадят. Всички се обадиха. Имам нужда от по-умни приятели...
Friendship Jokes
The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a ‘Mail Order Bride.’Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true. Tom assured him that it was.
The banker then asked Tom ‘How Old’ the new bride to be was. Tom proudly said, “She’ll be twenty one in November.”
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sеxuаl appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.
Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it’s course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fаn into Tom in town again. “How’s the new wife??” asked the banker. Tom proudly said, “Oh, she’s pregnant.”
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, “And how’s the hired hand.”
Without hesitating, Tom said, “She’s pregnant too.”
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A Rabbit walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender and says,
"I want a cup of coffee.” The bartender says,
"We don’t serve coffee here"
So the Rabbit leaves, but when he leaves he sees two friends entering the bar so he joins them. His friends ask for a вееr and sandwich but the rabbit says "I wanna cup of coffee"
The bartender says,
"We don’t serve coffee here"
So the rabbit leaves again, but he sees two more friends so he joins them in the bar. His friends order a вееr and a sandwich but the Rabbit still says,
"I want a cup of coffee"
"Look,” says the bartender "we don’t serve coffee here. Now leave or I will nail your ears to the bar!"
So the rabbit leaves, but he yet again sees two more friends and enters the bar.
But this time the rabbit says,
"Do you have a hammer?"
"No" replies the bartender
Do you have any nails?"
"No"
"Then I want a cup of coffee"
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Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say “Good Morning,” alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember.”
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, “Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.” And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me.” I said, “By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.”
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?” I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let's go to my apartment.” After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”
“Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. All were singing “Happy Birthday” and there on the couch I sat... nакеd.
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