Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A giraffe walks into a bar.
“Вlооdy hеll,” said the barman. “You’re the first giraffe that’s ever been in here.”
“Not surprised,” replied the giraffe. “That door frame’s far too fuскing low.”

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Animal Jokes

A bloke walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker.
He says to the landlord “Fuск me, that must be one clever dog”
“Not really” said the landlord, “Every time he gets a good hand his fuскing tail starts wagging”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

I saw something cute the other day. I saw this woman pushing a stroller, and in the stroller was a small dog. And I was like, 'Lucky dog.' And she's like, 'Well, he's paralyzed.'

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

I bought a new book today called “How to end your pet’s life with dignity”
Even after I’d read it, I just couldn’t put it down.

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Animal Jokes

Did you hear about the elephant who was always left out of things and thus felt irrelephant?

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Animal Jokes

At a session with a marriage counsellor, the wife snapped at me:
“That’s not true! I do enjoy sеx!”
Then, turning to the counsellor, she said:
“But this ANIMAL here expects it three or four times a year!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

Did you hear about the monkey with a steak on his head, thought he was a grills?

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Animal Jokes

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

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Animal Jokes

Q. How do you make a cat flap?
A. Throw it off a cliff.

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Animal Jokes

Me: Max I am sick of you shiттing all over the lawn
My Dog Max: Well I don’t complain when you take shiтs in my water bowl.

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Animal Jokes

Two birds were sitting on a tree and one looked at the other and said, ‘Dam today really FLEW by’.

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Animal Jokes

What kind of construction are dogs good at?
Roofing

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Animal Jokes

When I was a child I wanted to be a web designer. I’ve always had a fascination with spiders.

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Animal Jokes

Yo mama's like a bowling ball shes picked up fingered and then thrown in a gutter

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Animal Jokes

Come on, we're endangered. We HAVE to do it!

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Animal Jokes

Show business is a dog eat dog world. Make sure your dog isn't anorexic.

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Animal Jokes

I went to my local cafe today for lunch and apologized to the waitress for bringing my pet goat.
She said it's OK today but it won't be allowed in future.
She asked me what I would like for lunch, I said "steak with fries and the Kid Special."

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

A man walks into his local butcher's shop and complains about the leg of lamb that he had previously bought, when I cooked it the joint had shrunk so much it went from 12 inches long to only 4-inches. The butcher said to the man that’s funny my wife knitted me a sweater and when she washed it, it was also 4-inches in length, what’s your sweater got to do with my leg of lamb asked the man, the butcher replied well they both must have come from the same sheep.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

A lady takes her 5 year old son to the zoo. One of the first thing they saw was a couple animals doing it. The 5 year old asks, "Mommy, what are they doing?" She didn't know what to say, so she said "Well,they're making fish sticks." Five minutes later, a couple more animals were doing it and again he asked the same thing and again she said "They are making fish sticks." When they got home, she was in the bedroom with her husband for about ten minutes, and when she got out, her son ran up to her and asked "Mommy, were you in the bedroom making fish sticks with Daddy?" She said,
"As a matter of fact we were." And he replied, "I thought so, because I can see tarter sauce on your сhin."

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

A Hamster, a Cat and a Dog all live in the same house. The Hamster decided she wanted to go on a journey, so she packed a bag and put on her favorite hat and started on her way. The Cat noticed the Hamster was preparing to leave so she decided since there wouldn't be anyone to chase she would follow just far enough behind the hamster as to not tip her off. She packed a bag and put on her favorite sweater. Then waited for the hamster to be just far enough away. Then she followed. The Dog noticed the Cat was leaving he didn't want to be left alone with no one there to chase. So packed what he could carry in a small bag and grabbed his favorite chew toy. Then waited just long enough for the Cat to get a little further away and then followed just far enough behind as to not tip off the Cat. Then as the Dog was following the Cat and the Cat was following the Hamster the local animal control caught the Dog and the Cat. While the Hamster looked on with a big grin from ear to ear.

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Animal Jokes