Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A mouse and a lion walk into a bar, and they’re sitting there chugging away at a few beers when a giraffe walks in. “Get a load of her” says the mouse, “I fancy that!”
“Well, why not try your luck?” says the lion.
So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they’re out the door and gone into the night.
The next day, the lion is in the bar and the mouse staggers in.
The mouse is absolutely ragged, worn out, ruined.
The lion helps his pal up onto a stool, pours a drink down his throat and asks, “What the hеll happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?”
The mouse says “Yeah, she was really something else, she invited me back to her place to spend the night.
“But how come you look like you’re so exhausted?” asks the lion.
“Well”, says the mouse, “between the kissing and the sсrеwing, I must have run a thousand miles!”
Animal Jokes
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked them what they were doing. …
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One of the boys replied, “This dog is an old neighborhood stray. We take him home with us sometimes, but only one of us can take him home. So we’re having a contest: whichever one of us tells the biggest lie can take him home today.” …
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Of course, the Reverend was shocked. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”
There was complete silence for about a minute. As the Reverend smiled with satisfaction that he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh. “All right,” he said, “give him the dog.”
Religion jokes Animal Jokes
It’s a really hot day, and the Air Conditioner in the реnguin’s car quits. Well, penguins can’t take high temperatures so he immediately takes his car to an auto repair shop.
The реnguin asks, “How long will it be?”
The mechanic says, “Give me half an hour.”
So the реnguin decides to go get some ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the реnguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. His flippers have trouble getting the ice cream to his beak and within no time he is an absolute mess. Ice cream all over his front and his beak.
The реnguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and goes back to the mechanic’s repair shop.
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The mechanic comes walking out wiping his greasy hands on a rag and says, “It looks like you’ve blown a seal.”
The реnguin says, “No, I was just eating ice cream.”
Animal Jokes
Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes