Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Q: If your donkey bites my rooster's feet off, what do we have?
A: Two feet of my соск in your аss.

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Animal Jokes

Why did the rooster cross the basketball court?
It heard that the referee was blowing fouls.

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Animal Jokes

Q: If a rooster's on top of a barn door and lays an egg, does the egg fall on the north or the south side?
A: Roosters don't lay eggs.

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Animal Jokes

Why did the rooster cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation!

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Animal Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes

A policeman was directing traffic at a busy intersection when he observed a blind man and his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross.
To his horror, he watched as the seeing-eye dog bolted across the street, dragging the blind man behind him.
On the other side of the road, the man pulled out a cookie and offered it to his dog.
The officer ran to the blind man and said, "Don't you realize your dog could have killed you, and now you're going to reward him?"
The blind man said to the policeman, "Why, no sir, I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his аss."

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Animal Jokes Dog jokes

At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-аss jоск raises his hand. "What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exhausted?"
"Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with."

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Animal Jokes School Jokes

What do a bicycle, chicken, and frog have in common?
They all have handlebars! Except for the frog and chicken.

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Animal Jokes

Q: Why do sea lions go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal!

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Animal Jokes

Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
A: Because then they'd be bagels.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

What did the one shepherd say to the other shepherd?
Let's get the flock out of here!

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Animal Jokes

How do you кill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun. How do you кill a pink elephant? Hold its trunk until it goes blue and the shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Animal Jokes

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.
''Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your вuтт over here. I've got something to show you!''
''Not now! I'm eating.''
''Oh come on!'' said the rabbit. ''It's really important.''
''No way.''
''Please. It's urgent.''
So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.
''Well, rabbit,'' he panted. ''What did you want to tell me?''
''Hey, Teddy,'' the rabbit began, ''look how many berries are on the other side of the river.''

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Animal Jokes

How did the skunk call home?
On his smell-ular phone!

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Animal Jokes

Q: How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
A: You hold his nose.

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Animal Jokes

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Communication Jokes Dinosaur jokes

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hеll are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my аss. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

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Animal Jokes Dog jokes

Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts.

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Animal Jokes

I hope I'm not poisonous, says the first snake.
"Why?" asks the second snake.
"Because I just bit my lip."

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Animal Jokes

What happened to the blind skunk?
He fell in love with a fаrт.

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Animal Jokes

Q: What does a fish use to get high?
A: Seaweed.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes