Bad Habits Jokes

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I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her ‘What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of “pensi”?’
It was as she pulled my trousers down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was my spine.

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Bad Habits Jokes

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
“Where the fuск have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack your bags and go!”
“So can you” I said, “This isn’t our house anymore.”

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Bad Habits Jokes

A very inebriated man walks into a nightclub and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walks over to her, places his hand up her skirt and begins fondling her.
Instantly, she jumps up and slaps him silly.
“I’m sorry,” the drunк stammers. “I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable аsshоlе,” screams the woman.
“That’s funny,” he mutters back. “You sound like her, too.”

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