Criminal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Last week while driving at a red light 2 drop dead gorgeous girls started to wash my windows with there вrеаsтs, after they asked-not for a tip but if I could give them a ride, I agreed they both got into the backseat and started having sеx with each other then one of them jumped into the front seat and performed оrаl sеx on me while the other stole my wallet… My wallet got stolen last Wednesday, Thursday , twice on Saturday yesterday and probably tomorrow…

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

A very wise woman once said:
Nothing.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

What’s the quickest way to turn a blonde into a redhead?
Ask Oscar Pistorius

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Blonde Jokes Criminal Jokes

I had sеx with this girl I met at a club last night. It was inevitable it was going to happen, you could tell, just by the chemistry.
Rohypnol and chloroform.

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

I approached a gorgeous woman outside the pub last night:
“Is it true that chicks dig scars?”
“Not me,” she said. “I can’t stand them.”
“Good,” I said, pulling out my knife. “Then I’m sure you’ll do what you’re told…”

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

I met a really hоrny вiтсh on the way home from the pub last night and I commented on how fcukable she looked.
She thanked me for the compliment and suggested that I drag her into the bushes and have rough sеx with her.
Actually, she said nothing like that but I’ve always had an extraordinary talent for reading between the lines.

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

I like my women how I like my light bulbs…
…
Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

I’ve been charged with мurdеr for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

I’m starting to get self-conscious about my body odour. On my last two dates, the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sеx.
Not sure of the brand but it had a distinct sharp, peppery smell.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

The courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.
The defence attorney knew he had his work cut out for him in order to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, since she had been so “matter-of-fact” about the whole thing all during the trial.
“Mrs. Roth,” he began, “was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband?”
“Well… yeah… I guess…” she replied.
“And when was that?” pressed the attorney.
“Well… when he asked for his third cup.” she said.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Criminal Jokes

What’s black and steals things?
A magpie, you racist ваsтаrds.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Criminal Jokes

For me, having sеx is a lot like spreading butter on toast.
It’s possible with a credit card, but so much easier with a knife.

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

This is yet to be confirmed by scientists, but there are rumours that women have a certain ‘spot’, and if you hit this spot at exactly the right strength, it will make a woman willing to do anything for you. It’s called the face.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

I can’t believe my in-laws took sides when our marriage ended.
I mean, for fuск sake they visit her nearly every day and haven’t dropped in to see me once,
And my prison is on the way to her cemetery.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Criminal Jokes

A man who was just about to be executed was asked whether he would like to have a last smoke.
The man answered, "No thank you, I don't smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

I don’t talk during sеx.
My mum always said, never talk to strangers.

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

“Don’t tell women how to dress, tell men not to rаре!”
“No one asks to be rареd!”
“Women can dress however they want!”
OK feminists.
I guess we should tell niggеrs not to attack me as I walk through Hackney, instead of asking me to take off my ККК robes, right?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Criminal Jokes

A black man tried to steal my car as I was driving. I was going pretty fast, but the cheeky сunт managed to get in through the windscreen.

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

Girls love surprises.
Girls love sеx.
So why is it that when both are combined they don’t love it nearly quite as much?

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

I was on my way to a fancy dress party the other night when I spotted a woman being rареd.
As I stood there watching her get rареd, the woman screamed “why aren’t you doing something?”
“Because this is just a costume love, I’m not really batman.”

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes