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Criminal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

“Don’t tell women how to dress, tell men not to rаре!”
“No one asks to be rареd!”
“Women can dress however they want!”
OK feminists.
I guess we should tell niggеrs not to attack me as I walk through Hackney, instead of asking me to take off my ККК robes, right?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Criminal Jokes

A black man tried to steal my car as I was driving. I was going pretty fast, but the cheeky сunт managed to get in through the windscreen.

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

Girls love surprises.
Girls love sеx.
So why is it that when both are combined they don’t love it nearly quite as much?

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Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

I was on my way to a fancy dress party the other night when I spotted a woman being rареd.
As I stood there watching her get rареd, the woman screamed “why aren’t you doing something?”
“Because this is just a costume love, I’m not really batman.”

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

Women deserve equal rights.
And lefts.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

Since going to the local gym and building up some muscle, I’ve managed to sleep with some of the most beautiful women there, and I think I can put it down to my form.
Chloroform.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

Apparently, the average woman spends about 416hrs of her life searching through purses looking for their keys.
Well if that’s the case, how come it only takes them seconds to find their pepper spray?
I know that from experience.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house and inside the kitchen, he finds a daughter, a mother, and a grandmother.
Convict:
“Now, I will tie everyone to the chairs”
Daughter:
“But not the grandmother!”
Convict:
“I said everyone!”
And so he ties them to their chairs.
Convict:
“Now, I will rip off everyone’s clothes!”
Daughter:
“But not the grandmother!”
Convict:
“I said everyone!”
And so he rips off their clothes.
Convict:
“Now, I will rаре everyone!”
Daughter:
“But not the grandmother!”
Grandmother:
“He said everyone!”

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

I would never pick up a male hitch-hiker; I just couldn’t trust him.
I would never pick up a female either; I just couldn’t trust myself.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Criminal Jokes

Spreading a woman’s legs is like spreading butter…
It can be done with a credit card fairly easily, but I prefer to use a knife.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

A judge convicted and sentenced a man to serve five consecutive life terms in prison. When the judge asked if there was anything he wanted to help pass the time, the man replied... A Perpetual Calendar!

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

A man was walking to steal something from a warehouse but the security guard heard footsteps and screamed "HALT! WHO GOES THERE?" then he was surprised to hear a voice scream, "Shoot it i hate pop quizzes!"

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

Today, I gave a homeless man a watch, a phone, and everything in my wallet.
You won’t believe how happy I felt after he put his knife back in his pocket

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Men jokes Criminal Jokes

If you think things are bad in America now……..
Just wait till Trump watches The Purge.

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USA Jokes Criminal Jokes

There’s some thieving ваsтаrds where I live.
Last night someone stole my TV, Xbox, DVD player, all my роrn, a big bag of wееd and two bottles of vоdка.
I wouldn’t mind but I only left my cell for five minutes.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Criminal Jokes

I was fсuкing the wife last night and, after сuммing for the second time, I rolled over.
My wife was not impressed and said, “How about finishing me off now?”
So I smothered her with my pillow.

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Criminal Jokes

Some Scousers in Liverpool are moaning that there are not enough Scousers on the telly.
The BBC agreed and will now be showing CrimeWatch every week instead of every month.

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Criminal Jokes

I went to the local art museum the other day, I really enjoyed it and took lots of pictures.
But unfortunately I’m now banned until I bring them back.

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Criminal Jokes

Last night, I punched my wife right in the mouth as I was angry at my sub-standard cold dinner.
On reflection, I may have over-reacted.
We were in a restaurant at the time.

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Criminal Jokes

Durex have made a new соndом with anesthetic on the inside so you can last longer.
I like to wear it inside out so I don’t have to wake anyone up.

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Criminal Jokes