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Criminal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

“I have a dream. A dream of time when I’ll have a 52-inch Plasma in my drawing room.”
- Martin Looter King.

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Criminal Jokes

Top cooking tip:
Beat for 10 to 15 minutes, then tell her to cook dinner.

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Criminal Jokes

The more you weigh, the harder it is to kidnap you.
Stay safe. Eat more cake.

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Criminal Jokes

Preparing to go on vacation yet very concerned her apartment would be burglarized while she was gone, Mrs. Smilowitz taped a note to her front door saying, "WE ARE HOME." When she came back from her vacation she found the house was robbed and everything was gone except for the dining room table. On it was a note which read, "Where were you? We looked for you!"

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Criminal Jokes

A couple of terrorist were making letter bombs. After they had finished, one said:
“Do you think I put enough explosive in this envelope? “I don’t know,” said the other. “Open it and see.” “But it will explode.” “Don’t be sтuрid! It’s not addressed to you!

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Criminal Jokes

I had just pulled over someone for driving under the influence when another car pulled up behind us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back to see if the driver needed assistance.
“No, I don’t need any help,” he said, reeking of вооzе. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top on the roof of my cruiser, he continued, “I just stopped for the red light.”

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Criminal Jokes

I slept with this really hot girl last night.
Actually I should probably get out before she wakes up and finds me.

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Criminal Jokes

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?” said my late wife.

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Criminal Jokes

The Mafia have decided to update it’s operations to keep up with internet trading.
Their first venture is called Pay-Up-Pal

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Criminal Jokes Internet Jokes

I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the pub last night…
Especially as I fuскing walked there in the first place.

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Criminal Jokes

I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help.
So I hired a hitman.

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Criminal Jokes

How many parents does it take to raise a psychopath?
Two…. Then one….. Then none..

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Criminal Jokes

I was shаgging this girl once who just could not make up her mind.
She couldn’t decide between no and more.
=

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Criminal Jokes

I was watching the film, ‘A Perfect Мurdеr,’ with my wife, and she told me she was getting scared.
“Is it the storyline?” I said.
“Not really,” she replied. “Stop taking notes.”

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Criminal Jokes

I had a Scouse girl babysit for me once, never again.
I said on my way out, “Help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”
Bitch took the microwave.

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Criminal Jokes

In Liverpool, you’ll never walk alone.
There will always be other visitors to the city who’ve had their cars stolen, too.

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Criminal Jokes

I’m very close to my identical twin brother. We even finish each other’s sentences.
Which is nice as he’s now serving 30 years for that rаре I committed.

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Criminal Jokes

Guns don’t кill people.
Americans,who think guns don ‘t кill people,do.

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Criminal Jokes

Good morning beautiful вrеаsтs of my neighbour. How did you get inside these binoculars?

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Criminal Jokes

Saying, “Guns don’t кill people, bullets do,” is like me saying “I’ve never rареd anyone, but my реnis has.”

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Criminal Jokes