Dirty jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I went to hospital last night after breaking my left arm and the doctor told me I had to stop jerking off. I said “Why? What’s that got to do with anything?” he said “We’ve been having complaints about you from the other patients”.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

Mom (in shower): Ugh Ugh ohhh ya...
Me(on other side of door wanking): Oh god I'MA BLAST
Mom: what?
Me: Nothing just playing some games
Mom: Can you give me a towel I left it in my room.
Me: k
Mom: opens door
Me: passes towel with out looking
Mom: Walks out woth towel on
Me: BOO!
Mom: *drops towel*
Me: *beats meat*

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God Jokes Dirty jokes

The Tooth Fairy teaches kids that they get money for their body parts. I blame her for prostitution.

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

Teacher: why is there a cat in here?
Kid: Beacuse I heard my daddy say to my mummy I'm going to eat that рussy when the kids are at school, so I'm saving him.
Teacher: ...

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

If this gets 100 kickass, I will ask to have sеx with girlfriend.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Today I got a text message from my girlfriend:
“Honey, sеx last night was awesome!!” I responded:
“Glad to hear - wish I was there too...”

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

So Jenessa walks in on her parents having sеx and she questions what they are doing. Her mom says "Oh well sweaty we are making a cake." About 1 week later Jenessa asks her mom if they were making a cake last night and her mother said "yes we were, but how did you know?" Jenessa replies "Because I licked all the icing off the bed."

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Boxers don't have sеx before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I remember my first sеxuаl experience: back seat of my dad's car. I was young; I was in love; I was alone. No, not quite -- Dad was driving. He was рissеd. It's a small car, and the top was down.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a соndом. Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Guy:wanna hear a joke about my реnis?
Girl:no i'll like mine better

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Dirty jokes

This is what was written all over a shirt i once bought from Las Vegas. "FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК" #TrueStory

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Dirty jokes

Can’t believe what a rip-off Ebay is. Just wasted $120 on a реnis enlarger. This guy just sent me a magnifying glass and a piece of paper that said “Do not use in sunlight”.

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Dirty jokes

Dоuсhе:Hey girl wanna suск my dick
Girl:sorry my mum told me to not put small objects in my mouth
Joke not by me

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Dirty jokes

Person: You Suск!
Me: And you swallow.

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Dirty jokes

Box of condoms : £7.99 Cashiers face when you ask where's the fitting room: Priceless.

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Dirty jokes

A Man sees a sign that says вlоwjовs, A half an hour later he sees his friend come out of there shaking. He asked "Did you get a good BJ?" The man replies,
"Oh, I didn't know you could get a вlоwjов."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

It makes me wonder whether or not there are some old school pedophiles who don't have computers, and they sit around and tell the new pedophiles how easy they got it. 'You know, when I was a young man, there was no Internet. You wanted to meet an eighth grade boy, you put on a clown suit and tracked them down at birthday parties. You couldn't e-mail them like today, you lazy ваsтаrds. And if you wanted to see a picture of a man having sеx with a squirrel, well let me just tell you something -- you couldn't just download it, you had to take the picture yourself.'

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Internet Jokes

*in bed*
Boyfriend: Why are you so far away?.
Girlfriend: You missed your chance earlier because you were to busy playing League Of Legends so... HAH.
Boyfriend: In that case... ... More League...
Girlfriend: H-Hay wait Nooo!
*start to have sеx*
Girlfriend: Dамn it every time
Boyfriend: *whisper's* yessssss
Try this on your girlfriend next time your in bed.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A 14 yr old girl named Jessica was walking out the door and she said "I'm going to work."
Her Mum said "She never told us where she works."
Jessica's little brother, Oscar, said "I know where Jess works, but first Mum you said you were a рrоsтiтuте, What's that?"
The father replies "It's a job where strangers pay to have sеx with your Mom."
"That's funny," the boy said,
"That's what Jessica does."

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes